Girls are the best ones—especially those in the shape of Fat Boys—because they will bring you pink things in the shape of rubber gloves and Peeps when you are accidentally sad. I ate the entire box of Peeps while driving home smelling of smoke at 1:30am. The rubber gloves are lying in wait.
In other news, we may well have a guest in the Maid's Room for the entire summer. I am currently creating a list of tips and warnings a la "Welcome to Your Dorm"; suggestions for this list will be accepted through Thursday of this week. Winners will be awarded accordingly. All submissions must be pithy and somewhat based in reality. (Keep in mind that the Number One Rule of the house is currently "No hippie drum circles.")
Posted by Ida at April 28, 2003 07:33 AMNo mocking the marimba!
Posted by: flamingbanjo at April 28, 2003 11:27 AM¡Muerte a los que se ríen del marimba!
Also, bring a bathrobe, shower shoes, and your own damn rubber gloves.
Posted by: Mol at April 28, 2003 11:52 AM1. No Running In Pool Area
2. Do Not Feed The Racoons, Actors or Mr. Tumnus' relatives
3. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
4. Items left in The Red Room more than 30 days become property of the Management
5. If you take the last cup of coffee, make a new pot.
6. Friday is FISH DAY!
7. When looking out the back windows, remind yourself that, "someday, all this will belong to someone else".
8. The "Monkey Bars" are for everyone.
9. No trampolining on back deck.
10. Two words: "Potato Cannon".
Posted by: THE COMTE at April 28, 2003 12:03 PM1) Remember: the rats are more afraid of you than you are of them. Don't run away. Don't walk directly at them. Walk at an oblique angle, maintaining periodic eye contact. If possible, make vacuum-cleaner noises.
2) No, I'm sorry, we're saving that for the party on Saturday.
3) Yes, we'd love some help with that.
4) If you lived here, you'd be home now. But since you're just a guest it'd be better if we never saw your dirty underwear, and if you kept that fungus between your toes entirely to yourself.
5) Remember: Erin is more afraid of you than you are of her. This will not save you, but it's good to know.
6) In contrast, the Performance King fears no man. However, if you keep your hands and feet away from his mouth and NEVER, under any circumstances as him where he was or what he was doing on November 13th 1977, you should be quite safe.
Bravo, Comte, except #2 -- feeding actors spodie and well-plated victuals is one of Gilded Lily's chief claims to fame.
Posted by: Mol at April 28, 2003 02:41 PMPithy this!
1. Always laugh at the actors; they are too serious about everything.
2. Blame Ida.
Posted by: ian at April 28, 2003 03:00 PM1) Illustration: No coffee beans = broken; some coffee beans = fixed. If you break something, fix it.
Posted by: jaye at April 29, 2003 09:32 AM