Note to self: just because you are camping by yourself does not mean you are any more likely to be attacked by a bear. There is no need to smell water bottles and book pages for food traces. And quit worrying about your grapefruit-lime lotion. Bears are carnivores.
Posted by Ida at August 1, 2003 10:02 AMActually, no, they're not. Probably too late now, of course. It'll all be a big mystery until some hiker stumbles across your bleached bones, wrapped up in the remains of your tent like leftovers from some ursine kentucky friend chicken bender.
Posted by: Joshua at August 1, 2003 11:11 AMShut up. (I knew you were going to say that.)
Posted by: Ida at August 1, 2003 01:05 PMShut up All Of You! Don't you know that bears eat only after they perform a trick to the crowd's satisfaction!?!
Posted by: sonya at August 1, 2003 01:08 PMEven the kentucky fried chicken part?
So, that thing about the bear mistaking an Airstream trailer for a giant Hostess Twinkie was just a put on?
Posted by: THE COMTE at August 1, 2003 04:31 PMI am so glad you are not Winnie-ther-Pooh-food. I mean, just think about Molly's bear-mauling Christmas in Alaska book! Seriously. Although, now that I think about it, the grapefruit-lime lotion is probably why you were safe. Dogs, as far as I've ever experienced, refuse to eat onions, bell peppers, or any form of citrus fruit. I bet bears are the same way.
Posted by: freesia at August 1, 2003 05:17 PMNope. Bears eat rotten apples to get drunk, berries to get by, grubs in the main - and were photographed once eating salmon, but they were very young, a cub really, and needed the money for school.
Posted by: John Galt at August 4, 2003 08:47 AMI, after bivouacking after midnight at a state campsite in Red Canyon, dreamed that the best way to prevent a bear attack was to leave a little red tricycle in front of your tent. The bears, you see, cannot resist riding those little trikes and then they love you forever.
I'm telling you. I saw it happen. Plus, the guy who taught me about the tricycle trick was totally dreamy.
Posted by: Ida at August 4, 2003 09:06 AMShut up all of you. When we went on Girl Scout outings they actually made us shake tin cans with pennies in them so we wouldn't accidentally sneak up on a bear. What they were afraid the bears would be caught doing, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure my partial deafness can be attributed to those fucking Girl Scout-eating bears.
Posted by: molly at August 5, 2003 12:23 PM"...so she pulls out the knife, holds it to the wolf's throat and goes, 'Not this time, buddy. Now you're gonna eat me like the story says!"
-- From The Little Red Riding Hood Joke
Girl Scout-eating bears.
Heh.
Okay, I just snorted Banana smoothie through my nose.
Posted by: freesia at August 5, 2003 01:46 PM
mmmmmm... banana smoothie.
Posted by: sven at August 5, 2003 02:44 PMyou are all disgusting
Posted by: Erin at August 5, 2003 04:03 PMmmm...through the nose...
Posted by: benlau at August 5, 2003 04:39 PM