March 20, 2004

The Following Sentence is Totally Gross

I just changed a diaper containing the highest volume of poop that I have ever experienced in my entire diaper changing career. I mean, the kid had 24 cupcakes worth of thick batter in that diaper...*

Said child is now pulling my red-rose flip flops around in a miniature Radio Flyer. Wait, wait, he's climbed into the laundry basket.

It's all pretty dang cute, but I need serveral years more practice before getting knocked up. Yesterday, in order to assure my practice sessions, I bought new bras and had my legs waxed.

Excuse me, my knee is being tugged by a small hand. Apparently, it is time to read Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Happy First Day of Spring!

*I prefer actual cupcakes and I still think having kids is a good idea.

Confidential to those suspicious of my dizzy spells: turns out I'm just really fuckin' anemic.

Posted by Ida at March 20, 2004 02:46 PM
Comments

Do you know how difficult it is to read this and not laugh so hard you spit out chunks of your tunafish sandwich?

DO YOU?

Posted by: THE COMTE at March 23, 2004 12:35 PM

fuck'n gross, yo. My tunafish is in danger of being spat up. But also I am laughing so hard I'm in danger of losing my Good Receptionist Voice and snorting into the intercom.

I: also prefer actual cupcakes, do not think having kids is a good idea, bought new bras but won't be practicing, and totally started crying on the bus this morning when I got to the part of "Wit" where Vivian's professor reads her "The Runaway Bunny."

Posted by: Mol at March 23, 2004 01:52 PM

Officially never hungry for cupcakes again, thank you very much. Maybe a new diet? Have Ida make similes between bad-for-you foods and diaper contents, never feel hungry again. Watch those unwanted pounds drop away like discarded diapers! Poop!

My car gasped its last breaths as I drove home from Six Feet Under and tacos last week, btw. I thought you'd like to know that its last ride was to someplace worthwhile. As I drove up the hill Mick Jagger sang "Stop Breaking Down" on the stereo and I sang along for a good minute before it occurred to me that finally my life had a soundtrack, just like I'd always wished for.

Posted by: flamingbanjo at March 24, 2004 02:18 PM

Welcome to my world, yo. I changed one of those this morning. It was kinda orange. Which, frankly, I prefer to yellow or green, which I also see on occasion.

Posted by: freesia at March 25, 2004 12:08 PM

Ungh! Gah! Stop with the poop!

Posted by: molly at March 25, 2004 03:33 PM

I wish they'd stop with the poop. But sometimes when they've been sick and eating LOTS of carrots ... well, you know. Kinda like a diaper full of smoothie.

Posted by: freesia at March 25, 2004 04:43 PM

GAH!

Posted by: molly at March 29, 2004 09:34 AM

You kids are wacky!

I personally adore taking a great, big dump. It sounds like that kid performed what ficalphiliacs fondly call "The Evacuator"--elimination of the complete contents of the colon and large intestine, followed by feelings of lightness and general refreshment. It's a thing of beauty. Cheers to the poopy-assed kid!

Posted by: Smartacus at March 29, 2004 09:13 PM