Tracks to Clementine

Nothing Up My Sleeve (or ASS strikes again)

I just observed yet another class where an instructor, in lieu of concocting a different way of giving directions to middle schoolers, continued to yell at their inability to follow directions. That's right, blame the person who doesn't get it, especially if that person is a tiny seventh grade boy trying to play a huge-ass marimba and double-especially if the reason they don't get it is your own inability to demonstrate an identifiable downbeat. Who needs counting?

I'm supposed to write up my observations, but I need a little practice so I can do it diplomatically. In preparation, here are my edits to make several ongoing ad campaigns more effective to their target audience:

Please Drive Safely, My Daddy Works Here. Thanks, Sally.
These orange signs with faux child handwriting would be much more eye-catching if an actual five-year-old were holding the sign. Nothing slows folk down like a kid in the road.

Two out of Three Teenagers Who Smoke Will Die Prematurely
There are two versions of this: the print ad, which features two smoking girls tanning on the beach next to what is presumably their third smoking friend inside a coffin and the TV ad, which features a rapidly sinking boat that contains only two lifejackets, both of which are being held out toward two smoking white kids by one smoking black kid. These ads would achieve greater success if the third smoking kid were just chomped by a huge shark.

Anti-Abortion Ads Featuring Ugly Babies
We all know that no one wants to save the unattractive. Why not replace the baby with the photo of the adult the child would become? Like, say, A Kindly and Just World Leader? Or, The Thoughtful Adult Who Will Support You in Your Old Age? Or, A Shark That Ate a Smoking Teenager?

There we go. Now I can be reasonable.

Posted by Ida at April 21, 2005 10:19 AM