I realize everyone knows this already, but you know what is a total pain in the ass? Guest lists. Whatever that between Yellow Dog and myself there are 134 people in our families. Whose fucking idea was that?
In other news, I find that I am self-conscious and shy all of a sudden. Not constantly, just in certain situations where attention is suddenly on me. See anything that has to do with wedding accessories or friendly gatherings or saying "fiancé," but especially my hands.
It's like this: I am absolutely aware of my hands all of the time now. Like, am I holding my hands this way so that my ring can be seen? Or, did I used to hold my hands like this? Or, am I staring at my hands all of the time? Or, is everyone staring at my hands all of the time?
The last time I remember being so aware of a part of my body was during puberty and the advent of breasts. Now, I know that just like then, I am far more aware of the new thing than anyone else around me. But no one says "What are your future plans for your breasts?" or "Have you set a date for your breasts yet?" or "Have you determined your criteria for cutting down your guest list to your breasts?" or "Have you thought about what you will wear for your breasts?" (Okay, that came up occasionally.)
I'm suddenly being asked all sorts of questions about something that is just as personal as those new breasts. But considering how much I actually like my breasts, I'll probably get used to some of the attention directed towards my wedding. (And I really should say that I have no trouble talking about it when it comes to close friends or family or perfect strangers, it's just those nebulous folk, you know, the people I never like to talk to about anything.)
"I dreamed that two sets of parents were seven hours late to pick up their kids and then a kid threw a knife at me."
"I dreamed we bought a couch."
We are getting married in June.