this imploding heart

Someone said the word

Someone said the word she has never heard

It was raining when I came outside, and I found this to be a great relief. Its been unnaturally cold and dry lately, the rain felt safe, dependable, and protective with the heaviness of my coat. I walked up to the triangular italian restaurant with the lonely cook listening to NPR. He winked and smiled and rolled dough into cheese filled rings for me. I ate alone, thinking about what I was about to do, and didnt want to do, and had to do, and had already done. What had I done?

I finished eating and looked at my watch, still 45 minutes to go, so I walked to the arcade. Playing "Gilligans Island" by the window, I looked up. What should have been my reflection was a man in a torn coat with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He held his hand up as if I were supposed to mirror him, I did. We waved, and he walked away.

It was time to go.

My steps felt forced as I stumbled down the hill. The heavy glass door pushed against me and opened. He sat in the corner reading, and I wanted to leave, he hadnt seen me, I could disappear like a whisper. But instead, I sat down, waiting my fate.

I poured out my confusion like a scalding pot of water, and he poured out his heartache like bitter cough syrup, there was nothing to do but take it or stay sick. They turned the music to a blasting guitar, and he screamed out his heart over the sound.

and it was done.

We walked into the rain, and it washed the frusteration away.

Posted by Sonya at January 18, 2001 09:49 AM