this imploding heart

I push my ear

I push my ear up against your chest, but your heart wont say a word

Last night was one of those nights that felt like someone elses life. I went to coffee and sunset with my friend Patrick from the old days at the 'zon. Followed by a little Gilligans Island pinball. After rehearsal (which was uneventful, save a reference to this, the first line from which kept us amused for most of the evening.) I ended up going to the capitol club for dinner and drinks with one of the cast. We talked about breaking up, and having crushes but not acting on them, and how that can be really good thing. He kept running into really beautiful people who knew him, and I kept running into one night stands. It wasnt uncomfortable, but it didnt really feel like it was me. Someone else borrowing my life and writing in activities. Lounging in a smoky room with a cocktail glass. Walking up a dark brick alleyway. Listening to NPR and running a bath after midnight. Its the life I'd choose for myself...so I guess Ive done it.