1: Would you rather be the president remembered for being an illiterate idiot, or the president remembered for being too large to ride a quarter horse?
2: Congratulations! You're getting married! ...to a person chosen by one of your friends. Who do you pick to make the big decision and why?
3: He/She's coming to your place for the first time and you'd like it if He/She decided to sleep with you. What are you going to leave 'casually' laying about the flat to try and sway the polls?
4: Bathing in melted gelatin or gasoline?
5: Little girls in hip huggers and shirts that show their stomachs: Cute or Creepy?
6: Finish this phrase: "In High School, I spent most of my time_____________ because I was _________________."
7: Delicious Poison Cake now, or Maybe Not Quite as Delicious, Not Poison Cake Later? (Maybe Much, Much Later, though.)
8: It's election day and MC Hammer circa hammer pants is running against George Michael circa 'Faith'. Whos the new president?
9: Crying on a barstool or passed out on a front lawn? (Not yours.)
10: Which is worse: White tennis shoes with a suit, or dress shoes with white socks and shorts?
Posted by Sonya at April 16, 2003 07:30 AMI'm really wondering why no one has answered the questions yet, as it's been almost twelve hours. Is this some sort of trick? Will I be laughed at?
1. Too large to ride a quarter horse. The alternative is just less appealing.
2. I'd go with my friend Nicole in Chicago, because she has pointed out the problems that led to the demise of all past relationships. Far, far in advance.
3. CDs. I still delude myself into thinking that my musical taste will one day be the key to a girl's heart.
4. Melted gelatin. That would hurt?
5. Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.
6. In high school, I spent most of my time with band people, because I was a big big dork.
7. Delicious poison cake now, because cake is just too appealing.
8. MC Hammer circa hammer pants. Those need a comeback.
9. Passed out on a front lawn. It's more comfortable.
10. Dress shoes with shorts. Even worse if it's with dark socks, but that's pretty obvious.
Posted by: bill at April 16, 2003 10:23 AM
1. 1/4 Equine
2. Jeff Curnes
3.Would ya believe, A Milli Vanilli CD? OK then how bout a copy of Scientific American and the Robert Wilson coffee table book I bought at the UW bookstore last year. Maybe a picture of my family.
4. JELLO BATH!!!!! (even if it's unflavoured)
5. CREEPY. Go away U wannabe lolita's
6. Daydreaming and plotting to take over Student Council because I was bored.
7. mmfwffmmmguh. (sorry, mouth ful.... (THUNK!)
8. George Michael. He still has much of his money.
9. Roy Orbison is singing a song about me.
10. Black shoes-socks, white legs-shorts
So the thing is that t.i.h is being moved, so there are actually 2 almost identical versions of the site floating out over the web with 2 different sets of comments. You guys just happen to be the first ones to see the new version. I'm trying to figure out how to move the comments from old blog to new blog, but it's looking like some cutting and pasting is in order.
Posted by: sonya at April 16, 2003 10:47 AM1. Too large - he could still be kind and intelligent.
2. Ernie, without a doubt. Not only does he know me well, he knows what's good for me better than I do.
3. A tasteful-looking book of erotica, perhaps. Something really subtle.
4. Gelatin, definitely. All the possibility for having it licked off, none of the potential for burns.
5. Depends on what kind of hip-huggers and crop tops. If they're just trying to be Britney, creepy.
6. In High School, I spent most of my time in the music department because I was a band geek.
7. Can I have delicious non-poisonous cake at some unspecified time in the future? What about pie?
8. George Michael, definitely. Our country needs a hot, gay president who's not afraid to give and receive public displays of affection. (You know. He gives what he takes.)
9. Crying on a barstool. There's always the possibility of someone nice coming to your rescue. When you're passed out somewhere, you never know what will be drawn on your face with permanent marker when you wake up.
10. Suit and tennies is far more acceptable, because it actually makes some kind of weird sense. The other one is just weird.
11. Goddammit, I want my blog back. If anyone finds the hacker who fucked up our server, please give him a hearty punch in the throat for me. Seriously. I'm going to kill him.
1. Too large. I hates me some dummies.
2. Sjet would pick someone monumentally entertaining.
3. Me.
4. Jesus! GASOLINE?! What kind of choice is that? Do you have any idea what gasoline would do to your pink parts?! Gelatin may feel gross, but it won't destroy the undercarriage.
5. Creepy creepy creepy creepy creepy. Oh, and did I mention creepy?
6. alone / a dork
7. Delicious Poison Cake Now rarely means no cake later, my dear. But it's what I would eat up if I didn't have the option of eating all kinds of cake at all kinds of times (... which I do).
8. Mr Michaels, for reasons stated by Freesia above. Besides, isn't MC Hammer bankrupt now?
9. Barstools - they don't have sprinklers or dog poop, and there is zero opportunity for redemption through lawn romance.
10. Suit and tennies, although how goddamn hard would it be for you to find dark comfortable shoes that don't make you look like a Stupid American tourist, you dumb wanker? Jeez.
11. ...Freesia, I miss your blog.
1: I am also in favor of too large. I could be inagurated in a mu mu!
2: I'm going to break my own rules about the game here and pick 2 people to tag team. Josh Norton and Patrickt. With LeFebvre given Veto power.
3: I'm such a dork. I totally do this. Books, records, and the sewing machine. It's some kind of magic combination that I think proves me smart, fun, and functional.
4: Gasoline! Remember that commercial where the kid pours gasoline on his toy mower after he sees his dad cleaning with it and then he explodes?
5: Ew. It's even creepier when it's kind of cute.
6: In high school, I spent most of my time driving drunk people home because I was sober.
7: If it werent quite so delicious we wouldn't be having this cake problem in the first place, now would we?
8: It's hammer go hammer MC hammer go hammer and the rest can go and play.
9: passed out on a front lawn. Better story later.
10: I find tennis shoes with suit more offensive overall.
Posted by: sonya at April 16, 2003 10:49 AM1) idiot - I don't want the stigma of being too big.
2) Lucy - I think that she might volunteer herself, and that would be just lovely.
3) Shopping list, with slight variance made to usual inventory to incorporate "enhancing" items (e.g. pine nuts)
4) Gelatin - I may be offered a cigar, and that doesn't happen too often and it'd be sods law if I was in a bath of petrol at the time.
5) v.Creepy. I really mean that, in a frightened way.
6) daydreaming... planning how I'd spend my rock star millions, but only when not hanging about hoping I looked angular and memorable.
7) Now please.
8) Hammer; I have phobia regarding the recorded works of Mr Michael.
9) Barstool - it's romantic and there's probably a good story.
10) I read the question and visualised the options, and I'm a little too traumatised to offer a satisfactory explanation, but it's the dress shoes. Especially if they're slip-on.
oh, oops, I meant suit and tennis shoes kind of makes logical (if stupid-looking) sense and therefor nasty dress shoes with socks and shorts is oh so very much worse.
and I meant that lying on the lawn gives you zero chance of romance, and so is worse than crying on a barstool.
jeez.
Ian, RE: #5. Yes, exactly.
Daddys, don't let your babies grow up to wear crop-tops.
Moved to where????
Posted by: sven at April 16, 2003 02:09 PMMoved to here. It's like theres a beta floating around and you randomly get one or the other, but once you get the new one, you stop getting the old one. I don't make the rules.
Posted by: sonya at April 17, 2003 02:38 AM1)Too large
2) Girl you know it's you ooh ooh ooh
3) A card by sonya walker explaining the situation and my thoughts on the matter (preferably in verse form.)
4)Gelatin
5)Creepy (you were at the Brittney concert too
6) Late sophmore through beginning of Sen. w/girlfriendbecause I had a girlfriend. The rest of Senior year, being drunk because I no longer had said girlfriend.
7) Small pieces of cake every day so I could build a tolerance for the poison and enjoy cake for a long long time.
8) George. You gotsa have Faith
9) Crying on a barstool. It makes you seem sensitive
10) Shut up Walker. Dress shoes with shorts are cool, really. I'll kick your ass (or at least your shin.)
1. quarter horse.
2. my friend jennifer. we are constantly realizing how alike we are, so her choice would mesh most with my choice.
3. condoms, candles, sexy underwear, cds i know he'd like.
4. gelatin!
5. creepy.
6. hiding with the drama dorks, a victim of low self-esteem and repressed maturity/sexuality
7. later
8. george michael--better sense of humor and the absurd.
9. front lawn! that means i get to sleep, and probably had fun getting to that point.
10. dress shoes with white socks and shorts. because shorts were not meant to be worn with socks. ever.
1. I would rather be the president remembered for tripping and sliding on his ass all the way down the steps from Airforce One onto the tarmac. Hoo hoo!
2. I'm gonna say Nate. He's got good taste and he probably wouldn't deliberately select somebody awful just to mess with me. Probably.
3. Some exotic-looking foreign currency. And a banjo.
4. Lime jell-o: Delicious and tough on baked-on grease!
5. Masturbating/ A typical teen-age boy.
6.Mmmm... poison cake.
7. Hammer, because I know once elected he would be far Too Legit to Quit. (Plus George Michael is English, so he's disqualified.)
8. Hmmmm.... whose lawn is it? The White House Lawn?
9. Tennis shoes with a suit.
Er, that is
5:Creepy. Now doubly so.
1. There will be no suffering of idiots.
2. Fat Boy Mols can make this decision. Not only does she speak Ida, she knows when I am lying.
3. I'd at least hide the half-eaten box of peeps.
4. Melted gelatin with vodka. (Not quite bathtub gin.)
5. Creepy because they have no idea. But it was just fine when I was little and flipped the bottom of my shirt through the neck and tied it in a little Daisy Duke knot, okay?
6. In high school, I spent most of my time in D Hall making little decorations for the walls with my band friends because I was a huge dork who had the ability to coerce others.
7. Okay, what if you're not sure if the cake is poison? And what if you think maybe somebody else is already eating your slice, but maybe they started at the other end so you can't see the bite marks but you've already picked up your fork and are really really hungry?
8. President George Michael. But he'd just be a figurehead. Hammer Pants would end up as the new Seattle School District Superintendent.
9. Crying on a barstool with my right foot hooked around one of the legs. And maybe a barstool at the Streamliner...except I probably wouldn't be able to focus on my sorrow in that case because it's just too damn entertaining there.
10. Dress shoes with white socks and shorts. Unless those shorts are boxer shorts and I'm seeing them because that hiding the box of Peeps thing totally worked. Then I could punch him in the stomach, knock him down, steal his socks and sit on him while I ate the Peeps and lectured him on proper sock usage.
Ida, "somebody's eating my slice but they started at the other end" is the most gloriously horrifying thing I've ever heard.
Posted by: Fat Boy Molly at April 18, 2003 03:18 AMYay! I finally found the key to unlock the door to the secret treasure trove! (For a guy who's been using 'puters for 15 years or so, sometimes I can be so STUPEED!)
Now, what was the question(s) again?
Oh, right.
1. Definitely William Howard Taft-ish, than Shrubish.
2. My friend Lisa, 'cause she'd hook me up with somebody just like her!
3. A. Waffle Iron. B. Early edition of Sunday NYT. C. That extra bottle of Dom '94.
4. Melted gelatin
5. Creepy. Very creepy, but in a cute sort of way.
6. ...hanging out... because I could always do all of my homework during one hour of study hall...
7. My diet precludes cake of any variety, so definitely later. Much, much later...
8. Hammer. Brits can't run for Prez.
9. Clinging to the barstool,
Like Odysseus in the sea
Wrecked on-the-rocks
Of my own inadequacy
10. White tennies with a suit denotes a certain flaunting of authority and the established norms; it's an act of rebellion. Dress shoes with shorts is just plain dorky.
Posted by: THE COMTE at April 18, 2003 03:41 AMRe the Other End of My Slice...wait, I'll just stop there.
(Although seriously, do you think the cake will have the ability to comment on whether or not it is a)poisonous or b)currently being consumed?)
Posted by: Ida at April 18, 2003 07:05 AMSonya, you are nothing short of brilliant.
Posted by: Sarah B. at April 18, 2003 09:07 AM1: Too large. I'm already too large and it's been fine up to now.
2: Obviously my first choice would be for my girlfriend to pick. But in the alternate universe version where I'm not hooked up, I'd have to say Ida. I'm pretty sure we look for different things in people, but at least I could be absolutely sure I wouldn't end up with somebody stupid.
3: Tea cakes. But instead of baking soda I'd make them with rohypnol.
4: Gasoline. Better story.
5: Creepy. I see that shit at the mall I always have to restrain myself from walking up to the parents and smacking their teeth straight.
6: In high school I spent most of my time alone because I used to say shit like, "Oh my god! Tammy! Are you pregnant? Oh. Well nevermind then." (true story, yo)
7: Later.
8: MC motherfuck'n Hammer, yo. Jesus. This is even a question?
9: My preference would be "crying on a bar stool" because, as someone pointed out, it does make you seem sensitive. Historically, however, I've definitely been a "passed out on the front lawn" kind of guy (after shouting some obscenities at the neighbors, making a few hundred off-color jokes, hitting on the only married woman in the room, trying to start a fight with my own reflection in the hallway mirror and throwing up in the garden).
10: Ooh. Tough one. Really, it depends on the suit.
1. being to large is better than being illiterate and an idiot.
2. melissa, i think she knows me best.
3. wine, to make one sleepy and not want to drive home; blankets & pillows to make one cozy and not want to get up; movies, to settle in for the long haul.
4. gelatin.
5. kinda cute, a little creepy - this can go either way depending on the girl.
6. in high school i spent most of my time with my boyfriend because i was convinced my girlfriend could never be as good of friends as he was. (i broke up with him, but actually still think that was true)
7. much much later, i give in to cravings but not ones that will kill me.
8. George Michael.
9. crying on a barstool would be embarrassing, but at least you're concious & aware of what's going on. I do not want to know what would happen to a person passed out on someone else's front lawn.
10. dress shoes with white socks and shorts is worse. i could at least reason the tennis shoes with suit thing (say a person excercises on lunch break, 30 minute walks require tennis shoes, and hers happen to be white, so what if it looks ridiculous? she's in shape, right?)
1. Quarter Horses are only good for Quarter Pounders. I'll have the fish
2. I choose Mr Joseph Molinari of Lowell, MA. He would select me the finest in equally bittersweet and jaded female parallel. This way, the marriage can end in a drunken suicide pact or the best galdarn sex this side of sodomy. Um.
3. I will leave my penis next to the sink. I always do.
4. Gel-a-TIN Gel-a-TIN. Way no-brainer.
5. Creepy man. Wayyyy creepy. The line between 16 and 22 is uncomfortably blurry, let's keep the skin under wraps until legal.
6. Smoking pot and playing garbage trance in my bedroom because I was Mr. Big Jock Rave Deeeej and if Oaky don't need school, I don't nun niethr.
7. I want a golden goose NOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAH. I have no self control; see #5 above (my mom's so unhappy with that response).
8. I'm pretty sure Rick Astley's running for the Green Party, so I'll give him my charity vote.
9. Passed out on lawn. I'm a cliche. And I love sleeping outside. Wanna make out on the porch?
10. Dress shoes with white socks and shorts. I'm pretty sure I did it once, that's why.
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