I once asked my father why it was a sin to kill yourself, since the only person who was hurt was, well, yourself.
"Well...would you be upset if I died, or your sisters died, or mom?"
"yes."
"So, you're saying it would hurt."
"I see your point."
I got one of those family phone calls this week from my sister. "Sonie, call me or trace or mom and dad as soon as you get this message. Everybody's pretty much alright, but call home."
She was at my parents house when I called. I was at a company meeting waiting for the lambcicles to come out of the oven.
"What's up, Val?"
"Um, uncle kurt died."
"What? How? He's younger than dad and half as fat!"
"Um..." I can hear my sister walk away from the sounds of cartoons on my parents television. I can hear my mom helping the youngest child into her high chair and my dad playing with his lop-eared dog. "He committed suicide."
"You're fu..umm. you're kidding me."
"nope. Took a bunch of pills. His girlfriend found him 2 days ago."
"How's grandma? and mom?"
"Here she is." I can hear the sounds of my youngest neice being passed from my moms hip to my sisters and the phone being detangled from my sister's hair and my mom removing her clip on earrings to prop it up against her shoulder.
"momma? Are you okay?"
I can hear my mother take in breath the way she does before she starts to cry, and even though I cant see it, I know she's biting her front lips together and her eyes are cast up and to the right. It's amazing that when I hear my mother cry, I can picture her as though she were sitting in front of me.
"I'm......I'm so hurt, sonya. and I want to kick him right in the butt for this. Stupid."
"I know. It's super stupid."
"I bet our dad is kicking his butt right now. and hugging him. I don't know what I want to do more."
Posted by Sonya at May 5, 2003 01:32 PMall words are inadequate at times like these, but....
take care of yourself. hug your mom. call if you need to, I'll be glad to listen or just to tell you stupid things about my dog if you need distraction.
love you.
thanks hotpants. I'm not all that upset, but I'm worried about momsa and grandma. They're pretty upset.
Sorry your uncle's dead.
Personally, I have a hard time respecting anyone who kills themselves with anything more efficient than a soup spoon. If you can kill yourself with a soup spoon, stone cold sober and in the cool light of day, you probably had a really good reason for wanting to do it.
Otherwise you're just a little bitch.
Nothing against your uncle or anything.
If I ever kill myself, I'm gonna use a whiffle bat. Or a crayon.
we're sad for you, that you have had something upsetting and unpleasant to deal with. and we want you to know that somewhere right over the other side of the world there are people that wish we could come right over and give you a great big hug and buy you a finger or ten of vodka.
there's not a lot that can be typed in a blog comment box by a virtual stranger that can help or make real life go away, but we're thinking of you and hoping that you feel sunny again real soon.
hugs, hearts and flag waving support from England
Clearys
x
My condolences. What a way to find out you're Dad was right.
Posted by: Beerzie Boy at May 6, 2003 08:16 AMmy condolences for you also
Posted by: nathaniel at May 6, 2003 10:09 PM