this imploding heart

It's over now

10:30pm. the rollerskate shakes.

"Got to get got to get got to get go to go to go got to go get to got to get going..."

and I haul out the White Pages.

"G R A, Grain gravel granite...no. G R E. Greenhouse Grenly Greywood Greyhound."

for washington to California, Oregon or Canada, press one. for in state, press two. for all other states, press three."

3

for Idaho, press one. for Monta

1

for Seattle to Coeur D Alene, press one

1

Bus departs at....TWO TWENTY SEVEN....in the morning. Fare is 28 dollars one way and 43 dollars round trip.

the thing about Greyhound that saves me every time is that the busses I want are never leaving RIGHT NOW. Had the bus been departing at 11, I'd be writing a different story right now. It would go like this:

"got the rollerskate shakes last night and got on a greyhound. Sat next to a man with cauliflower ears reading the illiad. Tried to read my own book but couldnt stop thinking to myself 'what is there anywhere else?'. Tried to sleep but the seats hurt my back. Watched the Mountains to Sound greenbelt drop by at 75 miles an hour over the pass and wondered how much longer I'm going to be like this. Will my children wake to find their mother has abandoned them for the weekend because she couldnt get her shoes tied right and tore the dress her grandmother made her when she fell off that ladder? Will the hundred thousand right times I'm waiting for to do a hundred thousand things ever come? What if I don't wait for them and then it turns out I should have?
I found it was hissing these words between my teeth with my jaw clenched shut. Cauliflower Illiad pretended not to notice, but he shifted his weight away from me."

but the bus didn't leave until two. I'd either be too tired by then and that would make me annoyed with myself, or I'd be completely manic and they wouldn't let me on the bus.

so I called Josh.
"Hey, I borrowed a bike from
Molly in the middle of the night earlier in the week and I can't get the seat to budge. What do I do?"

"Didja try twisting it?"

"no."

"Try it."

Bicycles are kind of terrifying because of their lack of headlights. I havent been on a bike since I was 14, and while you never forget, you certainly get rusty. My shins ached from the scooping pedal motion, but it felt good to be moving. To be going fast. To be so close to hitting the pavement and scraping all the skin off one side of my body, but having that not happen.

I rode with no hands for the first time in my life.

Posted by Sonya at May 23, 2003 01:33 PM