Man! Back in the day when it was all Metallica Metal Up Your Ass and we were just old enough to figure out that anyone can buy a lighter and almost everything lights on fire I was pretty sure that by now I'd be living in a loft with a slivery hardwood floor like that one Lisa Loeb music video they played all the time while she was going out with brad pitt. I had shoeboxes full of cassette singles. Horrible cassette singles like big bopper, I think that one rasta guys name was. 'I am the big bopper duhduhduhduh duh du, something something." What was I thinking? I was thinking like freshman in high school, that's what. I was thinking drinking dirty water coffee with loads and loads of cream and sugar until 10pm at Perkins because I had to be home by 10:30. I was riding in the back of Jareds toyota, I can't remember what they're called, but the 2 seat toyotas that were supposed to look like sports cars. I couldnt drive yet. so Jared and Ryan would be up front and tara and erica and I would be smush headed against that slanted window on the way to the mall, duck down low on highway 45 because you know they watch that part by the new jiffy lube.
I don't want to wear them but I want all my bellbottoms back. I want to put on that one particularly sturdy pair I wore all the way through high school with that blue drawstring top that was the first thing I ever made from a pattern. I want to sit on the basement floor of somebody's parents house and burn incense until we smell ridiculous and draw things on the backs of my notebooks and talk about who got in a fight with who and whether or not mister billers is going to suspend who for how long for that whole thing with the snowball.
I don't miss it. I wouldn't go through it all again, but I want to go there for 10 minutes to remember that everything I think is cool is probably going to be really really dumb later, so enjoy it right now.
The only upper hand now is that I already know it's dumb. I still like it.
it was ethan hawke, don't you know?! gawd, get your superstar hunks straight, would ya?!
Posted by: tim at May 30, 2003 11:48 AMI have seen Ethan Hawke's naked belly. He is no Brad Pitt.
Posted by: Ida at May 30, 2003 12:28 PMreally, can anyone equal the Brad?
i think part of being an adult, god help us all, is knowing the shit you like is dumb and liking it anyway. instead of feeling heartbroken when you're fat and 14 and lip-synching richard marx tunes.
Here's the thing though.
I really dislike Ethan Hawke. He took every annoying cliché from "Reality Bites" and integrated it into his personality.
Brad Pitt, of course, much much cooler.
But.
While he does have a gorgeous body and amazing lips, and great hair, Brad also has these weird... I dunno what to call them. Like, divots? In his face? Not pock marks: these are more structural. Places where his bone structure comes through in a way that's fairly unflattering.
I actually, and god help me for saying this, I actually think Vin Diesel is more attractive. Not nearly as good an actor (though he's better than most people give him credit for), and not nearly as cool. But much better looking.
Sorry.
There it is.
And, speaking of such things:
I was just down the block getting lunch and there was this girl standing in line in front of me? And she's, like, twenty. Some kind of UW team athlete. Wearing a bikini top and some hot pants. And, you know, whatever. But it did occur to me to wonder: is it actually in bounds to just full-on STARE at someone when they dress like that? Like, just, STAAAAAARE? 'Cause she was pretty much naked, and it's not even that hot outside. And while I'm not much of a stare-er myself (swear to god), I do kind of feel like a well-endowed athletic girl wearing a couple of cocktail napkins, three feet of dental floss and a pair of red pants tailored for a six year old is, well, kind of like free cable: just go ahead and watch it until they turn it off.
But I'm wondering what the official ruling from the judges is on this one.
Okay, here's the ruling on that one.
Stare while she's not looking right at you, and stare casually. If she catches you staring, continue to stare for a second, meet her eyes briefly, and casually look away. (by the way, theres a tennis tourney at the UW today. cake is dealing with the same problem.) The key is to make it look like you weren't caught doing something wrong, just doing something everyone expects.
Posted by: sjet at May 30, 2003 01:27 PMjosh--
first off, vin diesel?! vin diesel? meathead from the fast and the furious vin diesel? god help you indeed.
secondly, as for the staring conundrum, amazingly enough, when you live in a place where every other girl dresses like that all the time, it actually gets to be kind of dull. okay, not really. and it is exactly like free cable, that's about the best analogy I've ever heard.
Posted by: logan at May 30, 2003 02:00 PMof course, here in LA, everybody just wants you to stare anyway.
Posted by: logan at May 30, 2003 02:01 PMStaring is okay if a) you keep your mouth closed and b) if you can be self-deprecating about it when caught. AND if the free-cable is not the Disney Channel.
Posted by: Ida at May 30, 2003 02:26 PMOh the days of screaming Enter Night, Exit Light in my best "I'm totally evil" voice. Awwww
Posted by: UnderwearNinja at May 30, 2003 02:28 PMLogan: Also Vin Diesel from Pitch Black, where he was totally amazing, and Knockaround Guys-- which was a terrible movie, but Vin was good in it. On the whole though, it's really Pitch Black that makes him cool in my mind.
Posted by: Joshua at May 30, 2003 02:28 PMIda--
Yeah, the Disney Channel is right out.
Or the Discovery Channel. It is not okay to ogle the naked lions of the Serengeti.
Things you like seem dumb later in direct proportion to how cool and therefore Not Dumb you believed them to be in the first place. If you thought Madonna was a Feminist Icon when you were a teenager, for example, you are most likely in for a rude awakening one day. However, if you just liked to dance and sing along to La Isla Bonita, that special feeling can last forever.