I used to think that pencils were the most magic things. Now I think coat pockets are the most magic.
Ready? Here we go:
1: Currently, the sexiest bike messenger in Seattle also happens to be the one who has a prosthetic left arm with a hook. Sexiest because of hook, or sexiest whether hook is taken into consideration or not?
2: All of the laundry is covered in battery acid and kitten vomit except for a full Tuxedo in Mauve and Purple and full set of scuba gear, black. You're going on a date in 3 minutes. You're going to walk around Greenlake. She's wearing shorts and a T shirt. Do you wear the tuxeo, the scuba gear, or a combination of both?
3: The Date Went Well! You've taken off all that ridiculous hoo haa and she's about to whisper something in your ear. Would you rather she whisper:
"I'm trying to become a wheat free Vegan"
or
"I'm trying to become a Gothic Era Vampire"?
4:Burly Scars: So Hot, or So Not?
5: What's scarier, having all the goats in the world out to get you, or having all the ghosts in the world out to get you?
6: Other Peoples Babies: For Squeezing, or Ignoring?
7: And now you're driving fast!! Are you:
Git your motor runnin' DER NER NERNER NER Head out on the Hiiiway or
Jungle, Welcome to the Jun-gle, watch it bring you to your nananananannananaknees, knees?
8: You get to erradicate one thing you said or did from the minds of your parents or loved one forever, what would it be?
9: When someone says I love you, do you say it back right away, or do you wait? Bonus: Do you ever say it if you don't mean it?
10: A band of Pirates have started a rock band called 'And You Will Know Us Because We're A Band of Pirates' and 'Zombies, The Rock Band of Zombies' is up against them in the battle of the bands. Who goes home with the Record Contract, the Girls, and the Cocaine Vending Machine, and who just goes home?
Go! Answer! Now!
Posted by Sonya at June 25, 2003 11:53 AMAsshat, mmmm
1) hook swings it for me, but only if it's anodised alloy
2) tux trousers and frilly shirt. bare feet and no jacket or socks.
3) vegan, I would bring weetabix to the next date, she's not really my type.
4)so hot, but only if it's missing fingers
5) goats. nibbly.
6) ignoring, I have one already that is committed to destruction.
7) you've got an organ going, no wonder the sound has so much bo-dy.
8) question 3a, the answer got me an "A" and a life of missed expectations.
9) if I mean it, right away. if I don't mean it, feign unconsciousness.
10) the pirates would win, they obviously have representation with a name like that. the zombies are amateurs.
1: Hook not an issue. Sexiness needs no acoutrements.
2: Speedos. Even without the battery acid and kitten vomit.
3: Goth Era Vampire. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll always have the single greatest romantic non-sequitur in the history of history.
4: Depends upon the story. Burly scars and "I got them trying to play bobbing for spaghetti," not so hot.
5: Goats. Especially since my apartment has one of those petting-zoo goat pellet machines in it.
6: ignoring.
7: Skinny Axl or Fat Axl? One's made for city, one's made for highway.
8: I'm not so sure I'd erase anything from parents or loved ones... they're usually forgiving. I'd erase it from my mind. And it'd be a huge list.
9: If earnest, right away. It's such a huge leap of faith... the least one can do is put some pillows on the floor.
10: Pirates. Zombies creep me the fuck out. I'd even bribe the judges.
#1 Due to the fact that the 2 things (IMHO) that make Bike msngrs sexy are: A:THEM SEXY LEGS and B: That 'fuck it all' attitude. So the condition of an arm would not likely be noticed until much later
#2 Combo. It gives you more flexibility to accessorize.
#3 Vampire's dude...
#4 ehh...
#5 Ghosts, there are FAR many more ghosts than goats... not if you were being chased by all the Goat Ghosts in the world.... well I'll just go to my happy place now.
#6 Sqeezeit.
#7 My college commuting years were dialing into Z-Rock 103. If you remember, then you know. If you don't, well then I'm just not going to share my embarrasment.
#8 Nothing. If I could not learn from my stupic actions, I'd be really lame.
#9 PASS
#10 This is a trick question, therefore, I choose Foghat to win and go home with girls/contract/acres of numb snow.
Posted by: sven at June 25, 2003 03:03 PM1 - Hook me up baby
2 - Tuxedo, minus the jacket and cumberbundthingy
3 - Wheat free Vegan, People trying to be Vampires is out with ... well it was never in.
4 - So Hot
5 - Goats, they eat anything!
6 - Ignoring
7 - Lookin for adventure, or what ever comes our way
8 - The time I told my dad I was running away because I didn't want to work. He said go ahead, dinner is at 6. I made it about 1/4th of a mile before I realized I had no where to go, I came back and he never said a word. Wait, I'd keep that.
9 - I say it back without hesitation. I don't say things I don't mean, unless I'm kidding to begin with. Or talking to customers.
10 - Arrrrrrrrrr
And now, the part of our program where our host answers her own questions to avoid having to call herself an asshat more than 30 or so times a day.
1: The hook is sexy. The bike messenger is sexy. The bike messenger/hook combination is SMOKIN' sexy.
2: Wetsuits make everyone look skinny. I'd wear the wetsuit and the pink tuxedo shoes.
3: I hate myself for this question. It's the worst decision I've ever had to make. I hate both these imaginary girls SO MUCH. Okay. I'm taking the Vampire solely because it'll be easier to go out to eat.
4: So hot. Even if you got them bobbing for spaghetti. But Bryant? your answers to this question and the next one make you my secret internet crush for the next few days. That goat pellet machine business was brilliant.
5: Goats are Terrifying! I'll take ghosts any day. Besides, I might get to be on the learning channel!
6: Squeezing! 'm gonna squeeeeeeeeeze em!
7: I'm SO welcome to the jungle, followed directly by Sweet Child of Mine.
8: I would never have told my mother my email address. The spam. The spam forwards from mom are making me crazy. She just doesnt know!
9: I'm totally a waiter if I can do it without having hte other persons feelings be hurt. And while I haven't said it and not meant it yet, I can totally imagine a future me using it to get out of something messy and making it worse. Just you wait.
10: And You Will Know Us Because We're a Band of Pirates is totally taking home the cocain vending machine. Whether they won or not. Booty, baby. it's all about the booty.
Posted by: sjet at June 25, 2003 04:49 PM1. Bionic enhancements are always sexy!
2. Wet suit under tux. At just the right moment I'll drop into a slight Scottish accent and say to walk-date, "Excuse me, but I'm getting an incoming message," stare blankly into space for a moment, then add, "Hate to leave you in the lurch, but duty calls," strip off the tux revealing the SCUBA suit, then dive into the lake.
3. As a devout meat-eater, I choose vampire.
4. Only if their made by lasers, pirranas or metalic protheses.
5. My God. It's The Goats. They've found me!
6. Ignore baby. If this doesn't work, squeeze baby until it ceases noise-making.
7. I'm A True Nature's Child -- Yeah, gotta go make it happen! Take the world in a love embrace! Fire all of your guns at once and explode into space!
8. Can't think of a thing.
9. Right away. And not anymore.
10. Have you seen the cover of the Rob Zombie produced Ramones tribute? If "The Zombies" look anything like that, they will tear off their own limbs and beat the pirates over their eye patches with them to take home those prizes!
Posted by: THE COMTE at June 25, 2003 04:50 PM1) hook shmook
2) Tux under the scuba gear to make that grand entrance.
3) Vampire. At least they'll eat a steak. Never trust a girl who won't eat a steak.
4) Self-inflicted? Hot. Means they're more fucked up than I am and I have a shot
5) Ghosts. You can pretend they don't exist. Goats are just dumb
6) Squeezing if its okay with the parents. Never squeeze a strangers childs. Thats how lawsuits happen
7)Jungle
8) Umm. I think that one may be obvious. Sorry about that loved ones.
9)Never said it when i didn't mean it. Depends on the situation. First time I did say, first serious girlfriend said....nothing. Yeah
10) Pirates forever and ever amen
1.) Prosthetics are sexy.
2.) I might just wear a t-shirt and shorts coated with battery acid-- no, wait. The wet suit. Definitely the wet suit.
3.) Gothic Era Vampire is cheesy, yes, but at least nominally sexy. Wheat free Vegan is a bucket of cold water if ever there was one. People who define themselves by things they've renounced worry me.
4.)Like the hook, it depends who they're on, but as a rule: hot.
5.) Goats, by far.
6.) Squeeze the baby, but not too hard.
7.)"You're in the jungle, baby! You're gonna diiiiiiiiiieee!!!!!"
8.) I'm taking the fifth on this one.
9.) I don't understand the question.
10.)The pirates. What are zombies gonna do with all that booty anyhow? Booty is for pirates!
So, just as an aside:
You can be an ass hat, which is pretty bad.
But you can also be an as shat.
I'm not sure which is worse.
1. the hook is sexy only if it helps in fighting away the goats from question 5
2. the scuba gear. it's also strongly recommended that the entire date's communication be limited to international PADI diving signals. are you ok? i'm ok. you lead, i'll follow. (for added glam, the bowtie from the tux can be worn on top of the scuba gear)
3. Vampire. At least there's a clear cut way to kill vampires if it doesn't work out. Vegans are much scarier beasts.
4. Are they inflicted by the hook from question 1?
5. The goats.
6. Squeeze, then ignore. Then watch as "the other people" have to deal with the crying. Bring earplugs.
7. boom boom boom boom chika boom boom boom
8. i'll have to think about this one some more...
9. often wait. bonus: yeah, once...but i didn't realize until later that i didn't mean it. does that count?
10. the pirates win the contest, but i'm taking home the cocaine vending machine. :) the pirates and zombies can come to my house to purchase!
Posted by: yanda at June 25, 2003 10:14 PMNote on why not Gothic Era Vampire: Drucilla. Awful Dick van Dyke "cor blimey guv'nor" accent. Gothic Era Vampire wannabe girl makes my teeth itch, ick.
Posted by: fire3500 at June 26, 2003 01:29 AM1: The Hook reminds me of Peter Pan, and whether it's tinkerbell or little lost boys, there's something sexy in that story for everyone. Hook all the way.
2: Full tuxedo and the goggles, because spitting in them when they fog up will be so damn romantic.
3: Seriously, either one's okay with me. You gotta be who you gotta be.
4: Scars are all good, because even if there was spaghetti involved you can totally make up something cooler.
5: Goats can be shot, boiled and eaten. Frankly, the ghosts scare me more.
6: Not down with the squeezing, so I guess the ignoring. Refrigerating's out, right?
7: Motor's running all the way, but it's the Muppets version, just so you know.
8: They understood the live duck, it was the Dutch midget they couldn't get over; but then, my parents often forgot what it was like to be fourteen and in love.
9: I've done both right away and waited, and I never say it unless I mean it unless I've been tricked into saying it through the use of cleverly designed word games.
10: Pirates win the girls over with a surprisingly emotional ballad right in the middle of their set, producers smell hearthrob and get busy turning them into a boy band. Zombies are quickly forgotten and left to munch on those passed out around the vending machine. Honest, that's what happened. I have killer pictures.
Posted by: lee at June 26, 2003 06:28 AM1.hook, but only if s/he pretends to have a normal hand and not a hook. and when people make mention of it, acts as if s/he doesn't know what they are talking about
2.combo.
3.vamp, gotta have bread.
4.no.
5.goats, they eat cans.
6.the first if the second doesn't keep them quiet.
7.upon realizing these are the only options, rip stereo out of dash and throw at nearest tractor or scene from 'hee-haw'/'terminator 2'.
8.the one, singular, time i raised the roof.
9.wait.
9b.no.
10.the two merge as the zombies do what zombies do, that being to zombify the pirates, and they share the loot. bands from #7 go home. one can hope
4A) so hot:
http://www.tackyliving.com/advice/appendix.html
1: definitely sexiest hook or no. the hook adds mystery, but not enough.
2: a combo of both. you know, for utmost style. the white shirt from the tux (or is that mauve, too?) is a must. Do you wear the tuxeo, the scuba gear, or a combination of both?
3: wheat-free.
4: not hot. well... sometimes. mostly not.
5. ghosts. you can hide (sort of) from teh goats, and you can predict what's coming.
6: squeezing. love other people's babies. they have them so i don't have to :).
7: ooooh, tough one. i can't pick. i'm thinking "Git your motor runnin'" for the straight flat stretches, "Welcome to the Jun-gle" elsewhere
8: i told my mom once that i didn't remember having tea parties with her when i was like 5. that one stung.
9: don't say it if you don't mean it. you say it back, but after one of the best kisses you've ever given. make it count.
10: 'And You Will Know Us Because We're A Band of Pirates' gets the glory.
wow, my answers suck!
Posted by: karen at June 27, 2003 11:11 PM1. sexy anyway; hook ads intrigue.
2. mauve and purple tuxedo, but only if the tuxedo pants are low-cut. i look silly in high-cut pants.
3. vampire; more chance she'd be into kinky stuff. 'cause, man, you know wheat-free vegans are not likely to be down with leather.
4. hot, as long as there's a good story, whether it's true or not. if you got that scar because you were soooooo waaaaaaasted and you toooootally fell off your cousin's porch, take it somewhere else, pal.
5. oh, come on. if the ghosts are after you, you get to be all mysterious and haunted and deep, whereas with the other one your whole life will be: "Are you going to Abby's party?" "I don't know...is Goat Girl gonna be there? 'Cause you remember what happened last time, and I JUST bought this skirt."
6. squeeze the baby 'pon the lef' han' side.
7. the former during the day. the latter after dark.
8. adolescence.
9. wait wait wait and bonus: no, i really don't. even when i should.
10. well, zombies tend to be shoddily held together and prone to coming apart on hard impact, which would make both guitar playing and drumming difficult, although the vocalist and the keyboard zombie might be OK. but the pirates will win it with their huge finale "fifteen men on anna nicole's chest" and every single reviewer will make a booty pun.
Posted by: nikita at June 28, 2003 08:24 AMIs this Biology 202? Yeah, sorry I'm late. I had a thing.
1. Never met the guy. But I like his work.
2. I'm pretty sure I could make a purple/mauve tux work out nicely. In fact, I'd be willing to try it out. For science, of course.
3. Bite my neck, not my meat? Can I say that?
4. Location location location.
5. I'd probably go ghosts. I like the goats.
6. Mostly ignoring, unless I am comfortable with the parents. You can never simply address a kid under 7 without the parents there. And I hate trying to talk to a kid whose parents just don't get it even though the child does. Makes me sad.
7. I can't choose either of those. Though more likely GnR.
8. Oh man, I'm not ready for therapy yet.
9. I almost never say it. I hate the way that phrase has been beaten to the brown nonexistence of a stick of Wrigley's after 10 minutes.
10. Jesus. He goes home with the ladies. That Jesus.