Holy crap, I'm whining the pants off of everyone today! "Unh. I wanna write the SUMMER FASHION EDITION of t.i.h. today, but it just seems so...I dunno....time consuming? Is the phrase? I'm looking for?"
The great thing about summer fashion is this: It Doesn't Matter.
It's hot outside. I don't care if you come out in a mumu. (Sidenote:I put 2 dollars in the meter yesterday wearing my sleeping mumu with the strawberry on it, except it was like, 1:30 on a weekday, so people were bustleing all over in their business clothes. I cannot wait to move to a more ghetto location.)
I don't even care if you're so muddled by the heat that you can't manage to match your tops to your bottoms, the only things I care about are as follows:
1: No socks with sandals.
I've said it before, people, and apparently I need to say it again because you didn't hear me loud and clear the first time. Stop it. Take those off. One or the other, tiger. One or the other.
2: Men: No Short Shorter Than the Knee.
You are not a Villiage People groupie. If you've gotta wear cutoffs, keep 'em down low. (This is not, by the way, granting approval for shorts. This is a concession in the current heat. I'll be on your ass about this if you don't put those away when the temperature normals out.)
3: Ditch The Underwear.
While this is totally optional and entirely based on preference, I'd just like to say that it's rather liberating, just so long as you keep an eye on how you sit in that skirt. I'm more of a bra-ditcher, myself.
4: Ladies, put at least a portion of that shit away.
It's okay to put the twins on display.
It's okay to shake dat ass.
Its okay to go backless.
It's okay to show exactly how far your legs go up.
Just don't do it all at the same time.
'cause it's kinda gross.
Thanks.
(also, when displaying, shaking, backlessing, and how far-ing, you May Not, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, call yourself fat or draw attention to your weight. I will not stand for another single second of it. You put it out there. Keep your trap shut about it.)
"But Sonya!" you say "I need specifics! You're being half assed!". and I reply, Quiet, you!
fine.
Ladies, for you this summer, I'm thinking it's all about the eighties cut t-shirt. You can do this at home. take that shirt you got for giving money to PBS last year and put it to good use. chop out the area immediately surrounding the neck and see how it looks. Experiment with cutting more and less. Cut off the sleeves to a cap or a muscle tee and tye shit up with the fabric you cut away. If it's too large, gather it in the center of the back and pin it where you want it. Take it off, cut out the excess, and re-attach the center as you desire. Then take off your bra. Whee!
And I'm not being biased here, but I really think cotton skirts are the way to go right now. It's just so fucking hot outside, and you're just so fucking hot. Your key accessories are a trashy magazine and access to a foosball table.
Boys, I'm checking you out when you're in comfy, stylish shoes, non-denim pants and natural fiber shirts. (see how easy? Easy!) Your number one fashion accessories are an extra baseball mitt and a pitcher of Mojitos.
Posted by Sonya at July 17, 2003 12:01 PMhm. Disagree about the shorts. I'm teaching with a dude who pulls the shorts off really well. Plus, there's a Foxy McFoxerson teaching at the Sciencey Place who makes shorts look SO GOOD.
Just my opinion, however.
Posted by: freesia at July 17, 2003 02:06 PMDude, sjet, you hang around with indie rock boys and scientists. *Of course* you disapprove of men wearing shorts -- these groups, as a whole, are very bad at wearing the shorts.
I'm with Freesia: I have some very specific very great associations with men in shorts.
Posted by: Molshortpants at July 17, 2003 03:19 PMAnd deprive the world of my paler-than-pale manflesh?!
I believe American patriot Patrick Henry summed it up best: "Give me hot-pants, or give me death."
Posted by: bryant at July 17, 2003 03:41 PMShorts in Summer = Okay
Shorts Any Other Time = Look Dumb.
Sorry kids, that's all there is to it. (and I work with scientists. scientists do not hang around.)
Posted by: sjet at July 17, 2003 03:48 PMI'm a bit conflicted about the shorts issue. Frankly, I don't have what I consider to be a lot of outstanding physical features -- except for my legs. A bit on the hairy side, but the calves turn out nicely IMO. Plus I like to get a bit of color on them regardless of what time of year it is. So, if they're sufficiently loose to not be pinching areas that should not under any circumstances appear to be pinched, are reasonably well-ventilated and show the legs off well, then what's the harm, even in October?
And what about kilts? Do they fall into the general "shorts" category or do they require a completely separate set of requirements?
And does the extra mitt need to be a rightie or leftie?
Posted by: THE COMTE at July 17, 2003 05:04 PMI say to hell with the shorts. I say all you got to do is roll up the pants. All the cool kids will be doing it this summer. Really they will. Shut up princess or I'll kick ya. The beauty of the rolled up pants are their transformative qualities. As we all know, in this Seattle town, even when it is blazing hot during the day, it can get a bit chilly when the sun goes down. What's a boy to do? Roll em up in the sun, roll em back down when the stars do shine. Yeah. And also, you can have the feel of knickers without having to find knickers (and for our British friends, I'm not referring to women's underwear thank you very much.)
Posted by: shortypants at July 17, 2003 05:19 PMBoys who can pull off either sports shorts or cargo shorts with style have my undying devotion (by which I mean aesthetic appreciation.) Guys with foxy legs need to show those bad boys off. And frankly, I used to go to school (in MN) with people who would wear shorts when we had three and four feet of snow. It was pretty hot.
This is not, however, meant to disrespect your shorts-kaibosh. I am merely stating a differing opinion, which makes sense considering the fact that you and I do not date the same kind of boys.
(Also, I would like to add one note in my own defense. I did not - at ANY time - approve of The Ex-Boyfriend's shorts-sneakers-blackslouchysocks look. I had no control over that, and I hope you all don't hold it against me.)
Posted by: freesia at July 17, 2003 05:22 PMI've been known to wear pants in 90 degree weather. This isn't so much my choice as a request from those I hang out with.
must...resist...pulling off shorts joke...
Posted by: benlau at July 18, 2003 01:21 PMGrew up in Wyoming - Lots of kids wear shorts year round (as crazy as it may have been). Then again, I used to ride my motorcycle to school as soon as the roads were cleared.. snow on the sidewalks/lawns-and-all.
Then, however, I moved to Phoenix. There, it dosen't matter whether you're intending to put on shorts or not as you won't be leaving your home anyway. Except for winter - when it's mild and beautiful (summer=bad) in phoenix's case I think winter shorts should be accepted. Maybe we need a sun-visibility-temperature law. Now, I'm in southern California and it's shorts all day every day (except of course the 8-10 hours a day I spend in an air conditioned, flourescent light ridden H-E-double hockey sticks I call work.
I think guy should be able to wear shorts any time of the year. I wear shorts till it gets too cold, say November. By March, I begin to wear them again. I love to show off my hairy legs!
Posted by: William at March 19, 2004 09:18 AMI'm a 41 year old guy, and I don't have much hair on my legs. I wear shorts alot, my legs are'nt tan, but they look good in shorts. I never shave my legs, cause there's not that much there. I'm happy not to have really hairy legs.
Posted by: Justin at March 19, 2005 12:13 PM