SCENE: Your office, or home computer, or wherever you're reading this.
A door bursts open and SONYA WALKER enters at a full gallop. She skids to a stop next to your chair as though she were wearing ice skates and begins to sing in a commercial announcer voice:
SONYA
"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's The Fi-irst Day of Kneesock Season! Kneesock Season! Kneesock Season! The Fi-irst day of Kneesock Season and I've got them on! Everybody!
All the doors and windows and nooks and crannies of your space seem to produce furry little LEPRECHAUNS dressed in white sequins with some form of kneesocks on. It's terrifying to you because it's actually happening TO YOU instead of you thinking about it happening to someone else, in which case it's very funny. The LEPRECHAUNS sing backup to SONYA's continued kneesock song.
LEPRECHAUNS
'Doo Wop! Kneesock! Doo Wop! Kneesock! etc.........'
SONYA
You can wear them in the snow! They will tell you where to go! You can wear them with your pants! They will make you want to dance! You can wear them 'cause it's cold! Wearing kneesocks - never old!
Dont'cha wanna wear them?
LEPRECHAUNS
Yes you do!
SONYA
You know I wanna wear 'em too!
the song ends and everyone is posed various 'Jazz Hand' positions around the room, except you, who is staring at SONYA with a confused and terrified expression on your face. There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. The LEPRECHAUNS start to shuffle in various single file lines back into their nooks and crannies. SONYA shifts uncomfortably for a moment before speaking.
SONYA
"Um....There was supposed to be a helicopter that bust through the roof here and carried me away on a neon rope scented with lime wedges, but we couldnt quite swing that in the budget after all those sequin costumes. So.....HOLY SHIT! LOOK OVER THERE!"
You do not look away as sonya tries to dart out the door, but gets slightly hampered with the handle. She finally figures it out and leaves.
THE END.
Posted by Sonya at September 11, 2003 08:42 AMHooray! It was better than CATS! This is the best part:
You do not look away as sonya tries to dart out the door, but gets slightly hampered with the handle. She finally figures it out and leaves.
Also, please tell me where to buy kneesocks that stay up without pinching the fat at the back of my knee or cutting off circulation to my calves. Thank you.
(heart)
mol
also, please see:
this
which covers the same territory (but with many fewer sequins and no leprechauns).
Yayy! It's SHOWtime!
Posted by: dayment at September 11, 2003 10:51 AMNordy's has the high qual kneesock action. Now available in blue!
Posted by: sonya at September 11, 2003 10:51 AMonce again, always glad to be of service. as long as you are able to turn into so much more than the admittedly paltry thing that it was, I am a happy camper.
karen definitely needs some kneesocks.
Posted by: logan at September 11, 2003 11:00 AMI am wearing fishnet kneesocks today. They (and aprons) are my favorite-est articles of clothing.
On the kneesock front they do not pinch back-of-knee fat, but they are only moderately warm and sometimes make the bottoms of your feet hurt.
And that's your SOLE my friends. An entirely different sort of leprechauns should come sing to me now. (Sonya, you can come, too.)
Posted by: ida at September 11, 2003 02:57 PMOh, what I wouldn't give for a passel of singing, dancing, knee-sock wearing leprechauns to explode (figuratively of course -- actual exploding leprechauns would be just, well -- icky) out from the nooks and crannies beneath my desk. With or without knee-sock wearing Sonya sliding up to my chair.
Please.
PUHLEEZ!
Oh, pretty please with candied sprinkles on top!
PPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
*Sigh!*
Posted by: THE COMTE at September 11, 2003 03:06 PMDoo wop! Kneesock! Doo wop! Kneesock!
This is my favorite post you've ever written.
Posted by: nikita at September 12, 2003 10:27 AMHoly sweet merciful Mary McGillicuddy. I can't wait to see what season comes next.
Posted by: kfan at September 12, 2003 11:23 AMWhat happens if boys wear knee socks?
Posted by: UnderwearNinja at September 12, 2003 01:00 PMBoys wear kneesocks while playing soccer, or when they dont want to get snow in their shoes.
But okay guess what you guys? The nordstrom brand is the best brand for kneesocks and this year they've come out with Over The Knee socks, which rock because they double as tights and can be worn with sock garters if you're going to be running around a lot. Hooray Nordstrom!
I bought 4 pair. (Note: if you have long calves, make sure the socks have ribbing and are not the HUE brand, which are crappy and not long enough.)
Posted by: sonya at September 12, 2003 02:24 PModdly enough I bought some new black socks today. when I put them on they were long enough to reach my knees, rather than the bland mid-calvery that long since ceased to draw oohs and aahs from my beloved.
it truly is the first day of kneesock season.
Posted by: fire3500 at September 14, 2003 02:52 AMMuch to my surprise, nordstrom kneesocks Do Rock. I now own them in white, black, and blue, and will be slowly introducing them into the wilds of the workplace.
Posted by: fat boy mol at September 15, 2003 02:28 PMVery, very funny. I've never read your blog before but now I'll be a stalky fan...heh heh...
x
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