this imploding heart

your eyes wont open wide enough.

I sat waiting for you in that space between 5:40 and 6:10. I watched the end of the business day go by. Go. Buy. Shoes changed from loafers and sensible heels to white tennis shoes and tall boots. Skirts. Cigarettes. The older security guard was dead set on finding the man in the grey sweatshirt. The younger security guard was more interested in the breasts of the barista.
Blue Coat and Dumb Haircut crouches before Blonde and Crying and tries to force her to look at him. She turns her head as though avoiding a bee, attracted to the scent of her hair. The young security guard returns, ignores his radio, watches as Blonde screams at the Blue Coat, "Leave me the fuck alone! I don't want to see you anymore!" she runs and the Blue Coat follows. The security guard considers interfering, but decides against it. He isn't getting paid enough.
A girl with long brown hair and an overly bored expression sits, filing her nails, waiting. Boy with hat and forks, Boy with Hat and Skateboard come down the stairs, throwing forks like spears. Hat and Forks stands in front of me and points a fork. "Give me a cigarette, or I'll fork you!"
I am accidently polite. "I don't have a cigarette"
They threaten to fork the bored girl. She gets out a pack of Virginia Slims.

I watch all the shoes until I hear you rowlowlowling at me.
"Hi babushka. I'm all full of melancholy. Melancholy as fuck."

It isn't until you ask that I remember fully why.

"There was a fire truck coming around the corner. Nobody would move. Once it finally got situated I crossed the street and found out why they were there. An old man in a grey coat with a grey beard sat on the sidewalk, sobbing.
'I just try so hard!' he cried. 'I just try so hard all the time, and I just can't try anymore.' There are just too many things broken."

Posted by Sonya at October 15, 2003 02:04 PM