this imploding heart

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, MIKE PHAM!

Mister LuckyFIRST QUESTIONS: 1a: Do you have an arch nemesis?

The Fabulous Mike Pham

"Why, yes, I do have a nemesis! Can you believe that?!
I know. you're surprised. I would be to. I'm totally
not the sort to have an arch nemesis! But, alas, it's
true. My arch nemesis is a boy named Gary. He used to
be an intern at my work, and everytime he would pass
me I would stare him down like my mom stares down
pancakes (She really hates pancakes!) I've never
really had a conversation with him, and don't have any
real desire to, but the sound of his voice makes me
barf. Surprisingly enough, there arent that many
homosexuals out there that I don't like. Wait, that's
a lie! I hate the ones that have no fashion sense.
Like Gary.
He used to wear rags I wouldn't be caught dead in.
He does NOT look good in pink. I wish he would read
this, just so he knows how much I loathe him!
He thinks he's hot shit. But he ain't. And one day,
I'm going to destroy him.

My former arch nemesis was Jennifer Love Hewitt. I
actually DID destroy her, but it turns out she is a
robot, so she all morphed back into her android
self...just like in the movies!"

Mister LuckyAlright! Next First Question! How did you get so gotdang fashionable?

The Sharply Dressed Mister Pham
"Two words: Sugar. Daddy.

No. Really. My dad is a huge influence. Mainly, I do
everything I can to not dress like him [Which means,
wearing some dang pants! It took us forever to
convince him to put some on for my high school
graduation!] But he did give me my first pair of
pinstripe pants, to which I am very grateful.

Also, I attribute my fantastic style to Sugar, as it
keeps me awake during those all-nighters where I try
on all my clothes and carefully lay them out on my
bedroom floor for the next day. Sometimes, I will put
them on and lay under the covers [without moving, of
course! to avoid wrinkles!] waiting for the morning to
come! Wow, did I steal that from somewhere? Probably!
Plus, sugar is what I feed the gnomes I have in my
closet that work on my wardrobe around the clock.
Gnomes are the BEST! And they LOVE sugar!"

Mister Lucky Holy Crap! That was intense. Now for the short program. Please answer the following questions as quickly and entertainingly as possible. GO GO GO!

1: Catsup on Eggs is retarded!

2: Mike Pham has a secret crush on Mike Pham!_(really, he's
hott! But I have secret crushes like every day, so
stay tuned!)

3: Babies are generally eaten!

4: The last thing I voted for was to not pay the
phone bill!

5: What does your mom have against pancakes?
She dislikes how pancakes are so round!

6: Was Gary a gaymosexual? Also, What's up with
that guy, huh? Hey, I don't want to know! But if he
was, I don't want to be one! He's fucked!

7: How many pairs of pants does your dad have?
Two! One for lazin' and one for churchin'!

8: Would you rather have a lawn full of dogs or a
lawn full of ducks?
Don't make me choose!!

9: When it's your turn to sing at rock-a-roke, what
classic tune do you
choose? "What a Feeling" from Flashdance

10: Did you go to college? How'd it go? What do
you know about
Pre-Calculus?
I dropped out! I went to a fancy-schmancy-pants school
in new york. They made me pretend I was a tree! They
wouldn't let me take Pre-Calculus. But I took
Pre-Calculus in high school.

11: Is the Jade Pagoda possibly the dirtiest bar
you've ever seen? Would you lick a table top there
for 50 dollars?
Yes. and Yes.

12:and last, but certainly not least: Fight to the
death with a Zombie, or Fight to the death with a
Pirate?
Argh, a Pirate, matey!

Mister Lucky Give it up for Mike, ladies and gentlemen! He's Rad!

Posted by Sonya at December 15, 2003 04:53 PM