Epiphanies for Friday:
1: I want Cake to attend certain events with me because they're special to me, and I want to experience them with someone I care about. This does not mean that he has to enjoy them.
2: Sometimes an Ex becomes so much an Ex that he's no longer an Ex at all, he's just some guy.
Epiphany #1 was a result of what Cake calls The Fight Of The Ages, which is apparently when she says 'you never go out with me anymore' and he never goes out. It was a little frusterating, because I couldn't figure out WHY I wanted him to go so bad. I knew there was a chance it'd be terrible and he'd hate it and rip it a new asshole, and he'd be a pain because he didn't attend of his own free will, but I really wanted him to go. Why? That's exactly what he wanted to know.
sonya: "Because...I...I do this thing every month for the 15 to 17 months we've been going out and you haven't come once. I think that's weird."
cake: "It is NOT weird."
(I do still think it's weird, but whatever.) I took some time to think about it.
s: "I want you to go because I see so many things that I really like or really hate and I want to talk to YOU about them. I spend more time talking with you than I do with anyone else, and when you never see any of the things that shape how I see the world....I guess....yeah. I want to share the experiences that matter to me with someone who matters to me."
c: "Valid."
s: "But I don't want you to come now because you're already ready to hate the whole thing."
Epiphany #2 came as PatrickOpie and Alisha and I ran into the T and M Super Duo, fresh from an exhausting show and getting ready to play the late-night.
(sidenote: I can't tell you how happy I am to have shed every last angry cell. It may have taken an awful year and a half of angry-cell exfoliation, but it's all gone. I hope there's some forgiveness out there for me. I was at my most awful.)
When M got up to play, I realized 2 things. First; I really don't like the same kind of art that M likes most of the time. Second; M is back at the shape he was when we were dating, and this was the first time I was able to recognize him in a familiar physical form in several years. But all the angry bloody scrubbing in combination with the regular growing has sealed the hole in my throat and left the kind of scar you can only see if you really look for it for a while. It's a tremendous relief.
APPLAUSE! BRAVO.
Great epiphanies... I do the same thing with events... want to share them. I know the other person won't love it as much as I do but I want to share it. I do this with Music especially.
It took me a long time to understand why my heart would break when I'd say "You've GOT to hear this BYOOOOtiful piece!!" I'd push play - they'd listen for 10 seconds and then start talking. I wanted to cry.
It's important to us to enjoy things with the people we love. It isn'e even a rational thing. It's just huge.
and goof for you about M too. man, that's a long haul!
gol. sorry I didn't spellcheck that one.
Even "some guys" are still human and in love. The knot swallows eventually, and in dreams we walk together. Time is forgiveness, like molasses, but sweeter.
Posted by: Some Guy at August 11, 2004 11:03 PMaccount trading Online Forex
http://online-forex.org online forex course trading