this imploding heart

She's already smoothing her hands for the pictures

Expected High tomorrow, 64 degrees.

So...I'm finding that the 3/4 of my wardrobe that I obliterated in The Great Move/Flood of Ought Four was the part of my wardrobe that kept me, you know, warm.

I tried to explain this to Cake last night, and he was nowhere near sympathetic enough to my shallowness.

I *hate* my seasonal-appropriate clothing selection. Almost all of it.

This is a major issue for several reasons. The first of which being that it increases the amount of time it takes me to leave the house by nearly 20 minutes. Which means I have to wake up 20 minutes earlier than necessary to look at what I picked out for myself last night, decide that I hate it and try to figure out what I'm going to hate less, only to put on the thing I picked out in the first place as a last resort.
And then, oh shit but I'm cranky. And dressed in something I hate.

The second problem is a bit more delicate. Motivation. Most of the time, I enjoy my wardrobe so much that I delight in activities that allow me to change my clothes. Not being able to find something to wear makes me not want to leave the house at all.
The truth of the matter is that I see my clothing as a special Confidence Costume I put on. The special costume allows me to forgive myself for accidently saying something dumb to someone I don't know very well. The costume allows me to respond confidently to situations I don't feel confident about at all. The costume tucks the socially awkward, panic-stricken, never-ever-says-the-right-thing me into the back and brings out the amicable, gregarious, slightly-more-capable-of-saying-something-appropriate me to the front.
Most of the time, I can be the better version of me with or without the C.C., but just like asthma, you never know when it's going to strike. The random space talk will come out of my mouth and I'll feel like a hundred burning spotlights of judgement have been turned on me. When those spotlights come, I'd rather be looking stinking cute.

Posted by Sonya at September 2, 2004 10:14 AM