this imploding heart

10-4-04 (If you go out in the woods today)

Hello my loves.

I’m posting in a word document to put up when all things mastered by the Sqweb Master are back up and running. (We heart the sqweb master!)

OH MAN, we camped our asses off. After a very “Turn this way! No! THIS way!” ”What does ‘this’ way mean!!!!???? No pointing allowed!” kind of trek out to the land of Bavarians, we found that 2 of our fellow campers had arrived, set up the tents, defeated some cougars with their bare teeth, then finished a bottle of rum and a half rack of Rainier to fend off the arctic winds. We remaining 5 got right in the spirit of things by polishing off 3 or 4 magnums of wine and a 12 pack of High Life so they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. It is damn cold out there in the woods.

We frolicked in the darkness until we were all half or entirely sick. (Oh magnums of wine, you are devils in blue dresses if ever I’ve seen them.)

On Saturday we basked in the glory of the great outdoors. I took a personal excursion into the brush to look for animal prints and firewood. I saw an elk or moose track an inch longer than my palm and just as wide, and what may have been a beaver dam. I also found a wrapped-in-plastic bundle of firewood out in the middle of the brush. When I emerged from the trees with my pre-packaged bundle of future warmth, my comrades did not bow down before my excellent foraging skills, they laughed out loud that I appeared from the darkness like I’d just gone to the store. I redeemed my foraging cred by later finding a fallen tree with lots of thick dry branches that Souxie and I carried down the hill in a blanket like supertough motherfuckers.

Also on Saturday:

Sam and Scott (of Camp Vassar fame) built a raft out of tree branches and pliable twigs. Sea fairing but not weight bearing, we sent her off down the river with a christened name that I think we all promptly forgot.

When naptime (see also: sleep off the leftover hangover time) came around, we were nearly ripped to shreds by a ferocious bear that came within a hundred yards of our campground and then promptly ran away. Nobody but B-rant actually saw Ferocious The Bear, but I sang her a ode of happy foraging anyway. It went like this:

Dear Ferocious The Bear
Please don’t come and eat us
We have products in our hair
That make us smell like sweet-stuffs

Noble Ferocious The Bear
I hope you can find some berries
Take some salmon to your lair
For you give us all the scare-ries

Not so great, but made up on the spot, so lets not be choosy about our impromptu ballads.

Sunday:

Derby Girls Gone Wild in the Wild!

Man, they call it Icicle Creek for a reason.

We decided a sub zero swim was in order before we hauled our rotisserie smoked asses to Leavenworth for some authentic Bavarian cuisine. With girls upriver and boys down and around the bend, we stripped down to the outfits we were born in and braved the frozen-ten-minutes-ago water. It was a chorus of “EEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA!” in the water and a verse of ‘YAAAAAAGHHHH. YAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHH! I’M GONNA DIE!” once we were out. Then I had to take a second dip to wash the nature off my ass.

Derby girls dried off in the sun and discussed the possibilities of nature dresses made entirely of leaves and branches, Garden of Eden style.

If you haven’t been to Leavenworth, you’re missing out on one of the weirdest, sweetest places ever.

Posted by Sonya at October 6, 2004 07:52 AM