It’s all about family today.
I got a letter from my grandmother yesterday. She lamented her inability to work in the garden as much as she wants because of her aging ankles and feet, told me about the family and the yard as usual. The interesting part of her letter is regarding her husband, who's miscellaneous health problems often require her to stay up all night making sure he doesn’t die in his sleep from hypoglycemia or what have you. The eldest children in the family are making arrangements for him to be put in a home, because the stress is killing my grandmother. I know that she’s personally terrified of being put in a care facility of any kind. In her letter she writes, “Oh Sonya, to tell you the truth I hope the Lord takes him home before that time comes. Then he can be with his wife and siblings and free of the trouble this body has been giving him lately. Is that a bad thing to say?”
Cake always says that I’m aching to be old. That youth is something I do as a step to becoming a successful old woman. Hearing my grandmother praise the merits of death (as my family believes it to be) is very comforting to me, because I suspect that if I make it to my old lady destiny that death will be a good friend who comes calling instead of a spook who touches your thumb while your head is down.
Being old doesn’t sound too bad to me. It’s all this being nervous and tired in the middle that scares me.
I’m going to Central Washington and N. Idaho with mom and dad this weekend. 2 of my nephews are in a football game in Ritzville, WA on Friday night, and then my other sister’s son is being baptized on Saturday afternoon. I’m missing my friend Web’s movie premier for the football game, and almost everything in me would really, really rather stay in town. But the other factor at work here is family. I’ve been realizing lately that perhaps I should start being a better family member, now that I’m a bit more tolerable. I’ve spent the past 5 years cultivating friendships and professional relationships and blowing off my parents to do cartwheels on the beach in the middle of the winter. I’ve had a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong. But when it comes right down to it, if I ever have to show up on somebody’s doorstep with a duffle bag and a drug problem, I’m sure my chances of being taken in are better when I show up on family’s doorstep.
I feel like age difference and life experience have driven a big wedge between my sisters and I, but I really enjoyed talking to my oldest sister last time I was home, and I know I’ll be sorry later for every moment I missed if I don’t start showing up now. I may always be the black sheep, but I’m THEIR black sheep, and I know they’ll love me whether I help them move or not.
How true this is...
Posted by: some else's mom at October 6, 2004 02:47 PMOdd to equate old-age death with a children's game.
Posted by: Bryan at October 6, 2004 06:56 PMI loved the reference to the thumbs up game... I remember the teacher saying "Thumbs UP! Heads DOWN!" And then there was the rustle as everyone did just that. I can relate a little with what you say about family and how you had your fun but you'd like to be more present now. I struggle with that myself still. (and I think I may be just a wee bit older than you) I've always stubbornly said blood is not always thicker than water...that may or may not be. But I'm pretty sure if I showed up on any of my family's doorstep like you said with a duffle bag and a drug problem they'd help me out no questions asked. But then, so would most of my friends. So I'm sayin all this to say thanks for the thinky thoughts. You write about stuff like this so well.
Posted by: Wow at October 7, 2004 03:45 AMDitto on the thanks. Plus, this is so timely, as I am in the midst of a climax in the conflict between me and my mother. In part it has to do with my independence which she recognizes as familiar (she taught me much of what I know) and simultaneously abhors for the situations it cultivates; that includes the current and ongoing one between us. Anyway, my real point is that, if your family really will take you in when you show up with that duffel bag and a drug problem, or what have you, follow the instincts you're having to embrace them from your adult perspective. It's a rich thing, indeed, and not everyone has it available to them.
Posted by: Miss Kat at October 8, 2004 06:08 AM