this imploding heart

And when it lands will my eyes be closed or open

A friend who's wedding I recently attended sent me a book I leant her 6 years ago. It was first given to my by my then-boyfriend, and includes an inscription in his girly artist script in the front. She included one of her wedding pictures with the package.

---I've been having these weird dreams lately. The other night I dreamed about a family I attended church with when I was a kid. Two of the daughters, both about my age, had been in a car accident in which another girl (who happened to be the prom queen) was thrown from her car and killed. In the dream I was sitting in the chapel and I looked over at the younger daughter. She caught my eye for a second and then turned away, and that's when I noticed that her right arm had been amputated and left as this kind of overweight, exposed arm stump with messy scar patterns.---

Once, while my then-boyfriend and I were still dating, we were sitting in Tiny's parents backyard in Spokane in the middle of the night. A raccoon had climbed up into the yard and was skulking around. Then-boyfriend sat very still and started sending the raccoon psycic picture messages.

--I've also been having drawn out dreams about the election. In these dreams, both sides fuck with the vote count so much that the election is cancelled and the TV news assigns us a permanent dictator. I spend all my time afterward wishing I weren't so afraid to speak up.--

When I think about it now, raccoons are pretty fearless. Nonetheless, Then-boy got the thing to let him pet it, just by sitting still and holding his hand out to it for a half hour.
We lived 40 minutes away from each other, so we spent a lot of time trying to cultivate our psycic relationship over the 4 year span in which we dated. At certain moments in the day, I would think in his direction particularly hard and write down the time. In turn, if he thought I was thinking about him, he would page me with a certain code, and I would write down the time I received the page.

--I saw somebody shooting up in The Derby's outdoor basement (which doesn't access any other parts of the house) last week. In the moments between asleep and awake, I imagine him standing outside my bedroom window, which is particularly accessible compared to the rest of the house. I'm always afraid that when I jump up to make sure the back door is locked, it'll be swung open and Souxie will be screaming her face off in the room next door.--

Maybe there was some kind of regular time pattern we both fell into or something, but the system was particularly effective. The other example of this in my life is that my mother very rarely calls me, but will instead think about calling me for 15 minutes, pick up the phone, and let it ring in her hand. I don't know what percentage of efficacy this method has, but the first thing she says after 'Hello' is always 'I knew it was you!'

--Last night I dreamed that Cake called me fat in conversation with others twice. This is likely the result of having meat for dinner 3 nights in a row. I woke up totally pissed at him, but I got over it in an hour when I came to terms with the fact that Real Cake can't be held responsible for all the shit Dream Cake does. This is why you should never talk to me in the morning.--

The book arrived on the same day the 'Three's Company Incident' occurred. You may have suspected that the TCI was a much bigger deal at home than it was on ye olde imploding heart. While one might think the issue would be 'the Nakedness and the Girl', the issue was entirely 'how the Situation resulting from the Nakedness and the Girl was dealt with'. Ultimately having very little to do with any of the original situation, mostly having to do with the State of the Union in general.

--and, strangely enough, long drawn out dreams about NY. Maybe this is just because I want to be somewhere warm with Tiny and not have to work. Maybe my mind is disposing of all the short term memories and choosing what it's going to save permanently, but we are always riding the F train when the lights go out, in the seats by the between-car doors, both listening to one side of the headphones and holding hands like severed siamese twins with seperation anxiety.--

After the conversation, while we were both sitting around with red splotchy faces, letting our hurt out in puffs of smoke, I turned to Cake and said "My boyfriend from 6 years ago sent me a book via time travel and third person proxy today."

"What?"

"Somebody saw into the future and sent me something that they anticipated would make for an interesting emotional cocktail for me. So 7 years ago they made me give the book with the Ex's inscription in it to Mira, and then they made her hold on to it until a week before today. Then they delayed it at the post office because it had my old address, and finally the postman delivered it today so that once I left the Eerie Sitcom Circus that was your house, I'd find a package from my Ex Spacebrain Psycicpowers boyfriend at my house. Don't you see?"

"Do you think it works in my favor?"

"I don' t know...

I can never figure out what any of my dreams mean."

Posted by Sonya at October 29, 2004 09:22 AM