I have employment worries of my own creation these days. I worry that I may have painted myself into a corner in a fit of bottom-rung-worker uppityness lately, and the corner may be a corner of malice.
It's funny that I still do this. When I was little and totally convinced that everything going wrong in my family was somehow my five-year-old fault, I always had a huge desire to "get out of here". I had a special bag that I kept packed that had a little bit of canned food, some toys, some toiletries and clothes, just in case I somehow caused a major catastrophe and needed to evacuate to save the lives of my family members.
All this weekend, I would wake up in a little panic and poke at sleeping cake.
"Hey. (poke poke) Hey!"
"Mmrrgg. What? What's wrong?"
"Um. Um. Say, 'Everything is going to be okay, and despite all that, there's nothing you can do to change what you've already done.' Okay? Say that."
"mmmrgh. Everything is going to be okay. You can't do anything about it now."
"No! Say it with more optimistic inflection!"
"mmt's okay. Everything is okaymmmmmzzzzzzz. zzzz"
"I gotta get out of here."
And i think to myself. I'll move to arizona and get a job adjusting shoulder pads at the dress barn. I'll live in a tent at an RV park and listen to big band music all day long. I think. I'll fly back to NY and get a job at a bowling alley near JFK in the evening and I'll live in a closet and pay my rent in home cooked meals and ironed pants. I'll stay right here in seatown and slip in the bathtub and go comletely comatose for 2 months before making an amazing recovery.
These thoughts are always followed by the unfortunate realization that no matter where you go, there you are.
Posted by Sonya at November 29, 2004 07:54 AMI have a note stuck to the table by my bedside that says, "It's all good. For God's sake, go back to sleep, you silly twisted girl. xxx, A." It's surprisingly helpful. :-)
Posted by: iona at November 29, 2004 12:13 PMDon't Be Sad.
Posted by: Bryan at November 29, 2004 07:41 PM