I accidently melted an entire pizza into the bottom of Cake's new oven last night because I was trying to be extra careful and, as a result, fucked it up completely. I knew he was going to be mad and I knew I wouldn't be allowed to clean it up because he's anal and crazy. As a totally awesome alternative, I stood in the kitchen and sobbed uncontrollably. Then I continued to cry for another hour and a half.
On a positive note, I slept like a rock because of it.
A couple of months ago I decided something: No talking about quitting anything unless you're actually going to do it.
Anything, in this case, specifically included My Job, This Website, Wearing Dresses, and Dating Cake.
I'd like to note that, so far, I fucking hate this decision. I don't feel anywhere near as confident making a decision that I haven't talked about as I do making one I've discussed with a few people. Not that I take much advice or ever end up doing anything other than what I first thought of, but it's hard to make unsettling changes to something without putting some test signals out.
But putting something out to someone else often makes it a lot more real than I'm ready for it to be yet. I just want to take some things into consideration without having to backtrack if I decide they're not right for me. I know people say things and then do different things all the time, but this has always been a particular problem for me. I don't want to say something and later find out that it wasn't what I actually meant. No matter what people say, they always semi-believe the first thing you said, and remember the first thing you thought you were upset about. So I often just don't say anything at all.
And sometimes the only person I should really be talking to will make it way, way more real than it needs to be at present. So I guess my former decision was the right one. I need to back up from the donut case until I decide what I really want.
Posted by Sonya at March 17, 2005 12:37 PMI have a fear of announcing plans in advance of actually executing them that borders on superstition. Because I worry that once you've told your friends you're going to (learn to juggle fire, write the great American novel, start doing yoga every day, etc.) they'll invariably tell you that it's a great idea and reaffirm what a great person you are for doing it, and then what's the point in following through once you've already been congratulated?
I realize that the "quitting things" fear isn't exactly the same, but maybe it's similar.
Surely there is a medium between asking a trusted friend for an opinion and announcing to the entire world via the internet that you are doing something and waiting for the comments to roll in? Especially since it seems like blog comments always lean to the Oprah-style "you go, girl!" kind of unconditional support that, while encouraging, offer little in the way of meaningful feedback.
Posted by: flamingbanjo at March 17, 2005 02:43 PMYeah, blog support is not so partial, but I feel like I pretty much already know what my friends are going to say. I've already considered a lot of assumed opinions.
I'm sticking with talking about not talking about it. Passive agression is so freaking awesome for everybody.
i bitch about quitting everything all the time. makes my friends enjoy my company so much. and also keeps me from quitting anything.
Posted by: joshua at March 18, 2005 10:05 AMIn case it's not obvious, that bloke's not me.
Funny this conversation coming up. I was just talking about this very thing with someone yesterday.
Posted by: Joshua at March 18, 2005 02:46 PMi will continue to dutifully observe the lower-case j convention.
Posted by: joshua at March 18, 2005 05:43 PM