this imploding heart

You are alone. I missed an English final in my junior year. (I got the date of the exam wrong.) Walking into the deserted classroom and feeling the wash of realization come over me was the only time I ever had that "nightmare" sensation in real life.

The professor was so pissed that he had to write a make-up exam that he really stuck it to me. It was the single hardest test I ever took in 4 years. Fortunately, I was able to pull a theory of comedy in the modern American novel out of my ass in 2 hours, rather than taking the usual 5 years to right the dissertation he was asking for.

That was supposed to be: you are NOT alone.

Oy. Hard to believe I graduated from college at all.

Oh yes, I know this feeling. That thing where you actually feel light headed when you realize what's happened? I hate that.

It's not a missed final story, but this does remind me a little bit of one time when I was going to Evergreen and I got an evaluation on a final exam that read (I can still remember the text pretty well even 15 years later), "Dear Joshua: Yours was, hands down, the worst test in the entire class. Your score was lower than the next lowest score by a margin of 20 points.

"If you had done any homework this quarter or showed up for class you might have at least known that PV=nRT rather than, 'PRV=nT'. Given that this is a fundamental concept of Ideal Gas Law, your lack of familiarity with it after two quarters of college-level physics and chemistry is disappointing to say the least. To suggest that this score falls short of your abilities would be redundant, but in any event I believe this would be a good time for you to re-evaluate your goals for this course."

True story. And that's the actual formula I blew the test on too. I don't even remember what the variables signify, but I'll never forget that formula again.

So hey, at least you didn't get one of those.

Here's mine:
reviewer in local paper:
"...and what was up with actress Jaye ****? She acted so hard it made my teeth hurt!" I was horrified. And I couldn't quit.

don't worry man, i missed 2 finals.
big deal.

plus i guess i can't even spell my own name
f u, college.

ran full speed for ten minutes to one once. i'm sorry, i hope you get to make it up.

i missed my psych final my first year at university because someone STOLE MY BIKE and i didn't realize it until i was about to leave for the final. i was totally stranded. i ended up running to campus at breakneck speed, crying like a jerk, and arriving at class flushed, flustered, and too late to take the test anyway. total worst.

One time, I missed a final because a guy dressed up like a clown killed my entire family with a shotgun.