October 25, 2005

knock three times.

The band continues to play on. At full volume. Sitting next to me in bed.

I've taken to an excessive amount of self-converstion. Any given moment finds me and myself feverishly talking ourselves in and out of things. Settling ourselves down because we're upset over nothing. Getting involved in debates and feeling satisfied when one of us wins.
I should note that -personally- this isn't a bad thing. I enjoy talking to myself. I feel stronger creatively, and generally more confident when I spend time verbalizing my thoughts to an audience of my own likes and dislikes, praises and criticisms. It's just that....

Well. If I talked myself out of talking to myself once, it was probably for a reason. It was probably because myself and I were isolating others with our behavior. It was probably because I was referring to myself as 'us'. And, when it comes to characteristics that distance one from others, it's important to pick your battles.

I'm also returning to my place as the teeth-grinding and constant-humming master. This leads me to believe that Crazy Always Returns. No matter how uncrazy you get yourself, you can always crazy up again.
So I suppose it's time to re-evaluate what crazy is Good Crazy and what crazy is 'get picked up for shoplifting toothpicks' crazy.

Posted by Sonya at October 25, 2005 12:12 PM
Comments

There can be only one us. And we've got the corner marketed on that one. Wait.

Posted by: David at October 26, 2005 04:26 PM

Well, shoplifting toothpicks for one.

I talk to myself a lot and also sing to myself (and anyone else within earshot) A LOT. Arguments are not uncommon (when talking) nor is Bohemian Rhapsody (when singing.)

If that's crazy then I don't wanna be sane.

Posted by: flamingbanjo at October 26, 2005 04:30 PM

Hopefully we spiral ever further from crazy? Maybenot. I've tried talking us out of talking to ourselves many times too - to no avail.

Posted by: Captainwow at October 26, 2005 05:26 PM

I used to slip into the comfortableness of my own version of crazy (no talking) and this reminded me of then. It was something I wore. My craziness returning can sometimes be glimpsed in the eyes/reactions of others. Maybe I can't be placed. That I don't mind. I want to say a little more concentration for you but I don't know that that is exacerbating your present state. Rather than intellectually trying to "fix" your state, I'll rest a little easier (then maybe some more sleep and naps, thank you dear) with the knowledge that my throwing energy your way should help at least a little. ;)

Posted by: nathaniel at October 26, 2005 09:34 PM

Haaa. Your post just made me smile, a lot! How boring it would be to never speak to yourself. You'd never know what you truly wanted. Better to talk it out and get to the root.

Posted by: bimacs at October 28, 2005 08:50 AM

it's nice to know i'm not alone in the self-conversing.

it never stops.

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