Oh candy. There you sit. Waiting. In every room of the house. Waiting to make me explode into a Reeses Peanut Butter fueled fury.
I cut myself off 2 days ago after I swimming through an ocean of foil wrappers and finding my skin speckled with chocolate and acne. I'm sucking down mandarin oranges and berry tea to try and keep the shakes off and lose my candy fat before leaving for SF. I want to wear the fur ensemble for New Year, but I'd rather arrive looking more Fox than Bear.
But going from a pound of peanut butter and chocolate a day to a pound of oranges is still making me cranky as a motherfuck.
Two weeks after being informed that I have dangerously high cholesterol levels I find myself in Ohio with the family. This morning for breakfast: Eggs, sausage, biscuits, home fries and coffee at Bob Evans restaurant. Short of a gravy IV, eating at Bob Evans is probably the most effective cholesterol delivery mechanism ever devised. I am offered cheesecake and delicious chocolate fudge at pretty much every meal or between-meal snack.
So I might not make it back, but if so it will be death by bacon, which is how I would have wanted to go anyway. Would you wear the fur ensemble and sing a song about how much I loved fatty pork products at my funeral? It would make me very happy if only I could be there to see it.
Posted by: flamingbanjo at December 27, 2005 01:44 PMFB, I'm totally with you. I didn't see nary a vegetable for the 48 hours I was home - and the little flecks of green and orange in the Ranch dip don't really count. When my mom made brunch Sunday morning, she actually opened a third package of sausage, because she forgot to save enough drippings from the first two packages to make the biscuit gravy.
If you go, dude, just remember - I would have been proud to be one of your pall-bearers, but I'm afraid my own arteries would explode like over pressurized fire hoses if I exerted that much strain on them.
Posted by: COMTE at December 28, 2005 09:42 AMOh, and FB - just think how much higher that cholesterol level would have been if Annex hadn't stopped having company meetings at your place.
Posted by: COMTE at December 28, 2005 01:15 PM