This is an emergency.
I just saw 17 teenage girls in matching white halter tops, blue jeans, and various pairs of platform sandals, laughing like hyena's go running madly up the sidewalk only to disappear around the corner.
The guy they nearly trampled to get by shared my shocked and bewildered sentiment.
My weekend was mostly composed of running rehearsals and shows. More than usual, but not noteworthy here. What is noteworthy are the dreams I had all weekend.
1: Saturday night: ---Preface to the dream, some background--- I dated a boy we shall call T for two+ years. From the time I was 15 until I was 18. T wasnt a great person. He was kind of crazy, actually. Very manipulative in a bad way, emotionally and slightly physiclly abusive, and financially irresponsible. after we broke up, he did some nasty things for a long time. I havent even thought about him for quite some time now, but saturday night....--the dream-- I was watching myself and T on television, but it was real life in the television. The writers in the show kept giving T chances to redeem himself, and the me on television kept thinking "maybe he'll turn around this time. maybe things will get better" while the me watching the television kept saying " you idiot! he's never going to do things right!" . and he didnt. Time after time after time, he failed to do the upright thing, or even the natural common sense thing. It was strange, and somewhat disturbing. I dont like thinking about the person I was. The person that enabled bad things to happen over and over and over again. anyhow.
2: Sunday night: I was in a gas station/McDonalds like they have in small towns with bus stops near by. Matt and Gillian were there with me. I wanted to buy something to eat, but I didnt think I had any cash. I asked Gillian to lend me some money, and she said "yeah, but sonya, You have got to stop spending your money in fifteen dollar increments!"
I looked inside my backpack, and there were 4 twenty dollar bills there. i gave gillian her money back, and pushed this farmer guy off of my shoulder, I didnt want him to see the money.
I went into the womens bathroom because I was afraid of all the small town farmer guys standing around. The bathroom had 15 or so stalls, like a movie theatre. there was a guy in there opening all the doors and searching the floor and kind of whimpering to himself. I knew he was looking for crack. (I dont know why I knew, I just did). I ignored him and went into the end stall. I closed the lid of the toilet and sat down to rest. I didnt need to use the restroom, I just wanted to be away from the front. The door was hung really low, and when I looked up, crack guy was trying to unlock it by reaching over the top. He succeeded, flung the door open, and grabbed onto my jaw and ear. I tried to scream, but I was already waking up, so all I could do was open my mouth. and then I was awake.
I havent dreamed in a long time. it was weird to have disturbing dreams that I remember 2 nights in a row.
Holy Hail Almighty Mail. I am so bored. Will somebody please email me? Its been a quiet day here at t*rgen. I went to get a haircut at lunch, and the cut that usually takes 40 minutes was done in fifteen. Different person than usually chops the locks, but it was nice.
Talking about hair isnt fun. Know what is fun? Supporting your local fringe theatre! Come on down tonight, we'll show you a good time. I might be bartending. Who knows, the world is a wacky place.
Some guys from church came to talk to me yesterday. Its part of a plan to make sure everyone has someone they can call if things go wrong, even if they have no friends or are housebound or whatever.
(yeah, I still go to church sometimes. and if anybody else flips me any more shit about it this week, Ill turn into a zealous freak and trample your door down singing hymns and hurling flaming tennis balls at you while screaming "This is what the apocalypse will be like if you dont convert!" Okay, not really, but wouldnt that be cool? Like the super religious incredible hulk...)
anyway. I hadnt met either of these guys before, so we're sitting in my livingroom talking about how we ended up in Seattle, and what kind of music we listen to. One of the guys summed himself up like this, "Mm Yeah, Im getting my law degree this year, but in my spare time, I like to do Yoga. Mm I do about 10 hours of yoga a week. Mm and I really like soooothing Mm music. Uh huh, and you know, Ill listen to anything for a few minutes before I turn it off, Mm Uh huh, Im really open, you know? I have priorities, I have to buy my opera tickets for the season, Mm, uh huh."
So the other guy and I are kind of shooting sideways glances and trying not to laugh when he makes the soft humming noise before every sentence. The other guy was a physics major who loves to dance. Which suprised me, because he seemed so shy. Dancing is great. Im in the mood for livingroom dancing today.
Ive been thinking about the people who Ive never met, but who's lives I read about every day. Is is weirder to know that there are people out there observing your life (what you choose to post of it, anyway) who you've never seen or heard from, or is it weirder to have someone contact you out of the blue to say " I have been going through this with you. I am in another state, on the other side of a nation, across an ocean, or in the same town as you, and I know about your life."
Rick Miller, Funky Musician extrordinaire, via email:
1.) Some of them are singing to themselves, not talking. It's hard to tell if you can't hear, though.
2.) The Challenge. I call it the Perfect Nemesis. Has to be difficult enough that you don't get bored, but pleasant enough that you don't just bail.
I base this on observations on how couples who have been married for fifty years argue.
---R.
Thank you, Rick.
Whoo! Gettin' introspective this morning! Lets move it along.
I just want to let everyone out there who talks to themselves out loud on the street know something. Yes, you do look funny, and no, there is never a time when someone isnt watching. Never. But you should also feel reassured that 2 out of every 5 people that pass by this mirrored window are talking to themselves out loud.
The population that represents the 3 remaining of the five, just go back to thinking about your shoes.
Thank you, that is all.
No one is calling you a liar, no one is calling you at all
Ive been wondering lately if when people say they met "The One" its because they are now dating outside their typical type, and thus arent having the problems they typically encounter in relationships. Not that there wont be other problems. There are always other problems.
I tend to go for people who emotionally counterbalance me. Does this mean that I'll always be with boys who have big huge emotional landscapes that occasionally seem impossible to navigate, until I meet "The One" who turns out to be a little cool hearted, and logical to a flaw? That doesnt sound like fun, either. Maybe its the challenge.
Yup. Thats probably it.
If you happen to be the neverending challenge, give me a call in a couple of years, we'll talk.
Drive in movies, people. Its the wave of the future. I love it. Gillian, Tim Sanders (who shall now be known as Natty Gann), Matty and myself all piled into Gillys car to go to the drive in last night. It wasnt the purpose to go to the movie as it was to Go To The Drive-In. And that we did... after driving across the entire seattle metropolitan area (including Tacoma, if Tacoma isnt already included). We drove so long we had to stop for a bathroom break. It was fantastic. I cant think of any people Id rather be trapped in a car with, in a potentially stressful situation. I like car trips. Last year, I was coerced into going to Portland the night before I had to be at the airport at 6:30am to fly to a family reunion. We stayed up all night, and drove like hell back to Seattle after eating pancakes at an all night diner in Portland. I jumped on a plane, and spent the rest of the day with my mothers extended family, trying to explain the difference between contemporary theatre and fringe theatre. That was a really fun trip.
In our adventures yesterday, we watched the first half of Josie and the Pussycats. I have never seen so many corporate labels in one movie in my life. It was amazing. Self referential to all of the advertising, and being a rip off of the comic book, but still creepy. It was obvious in a sneaky way. I wont try to explain, because the chances you'll see it are slim, anyway.
After work yesterday, Gillian and I went to annex and drank hooch on the the porch for our own little happy hour. Just a little bit each, then I went home, and she went to her meeting. I took a much needed nap, and started some laundry. Alisha came over around 7:30 or 8 to hang out for a while, we had a little hornsby's cider (I didnt even finish one.) We laughed and told stories and talked about what we always talk about (books, babies, boys, etc). I love talking to Alisha, because the conversation can be simple and fickle or deep and important, but its always interesting. I never really have any idea what she's going to say.
Anyhow, the point of this post is that I woke up with one doozy of a hangover this morning, and I was totally convinced that I might just sit down on the sidewalk at any point during my walk to work and fall asleep on contact, thus begining my new career as a bum who sleeps on the sidewalk and curses under her breath all day long.
Wow, I had a full weekend. Sorry for not posting on Friday, I had a handful to do, and I couldnt leave until it was done. So lets start with friday, post t*rgen. ( P.S. We are hiring, if you're looking for a job. Follow the link, and dont piss off the receptionist. )
Friday
I headed down to Annex without going home first. I dropped a roll of film off for 1 hour delivery at Bartells, went to Ralphs Market to get some dirty stinky food, and went to the theatre. Picked up the pictures, 30 percent of which were fantastic, the remaining 70, not so great, and ran the show.
After we had finished cleaning up the blood that ends up covering the stage every night, and putting the alien ergonomic chairs away (come see the show), we all went down to Two Bells to get something to eat. It really annoys me that an establishment will not card anyone one day of the week, and card everyone right off the bat another. I fucking HATE being underage, particularly since I am the only one, by a long shot. I feel like such a pain in the ass.
Needless to say, we ended up at the Hurricane instead. The dirty, sick, comforting, smoky, greasy Hurricane Cafe. We only took up one booth tonight, though, so it didnt feel quite as haphazard and Square Dance-ish as it usually does.
The highlight of the evening went something like this:
Sonya asks Bill for a cigarette to play with, Bill provides. Gillian revokes privilige, hands cigarette back to Bill, slaps Sonya's left hand while right hand is under table retriving cigarette from Bill. Gillian notices, and goes to slap Bill's hand. Bill retorts with "OoooooHoooooWooo, Awent you cwutie-wootie when you're angwryyyyyy."
Gillian shoots a glass of ice water toward Bills face. Bill sees it coming, and throws his hands up all anti-vampire style. The water (which was mostly ice) shoots directly off his hands and onto the guy at the booth behind him.
I go over to the guy it hit to apologize, and he says "No, its alright. We're from Olympia, nothing like this ever happens there."
That sums up Friday for you.
Saturday
I met Gillian and Pamala for breakfast at B&O, and Pamala brought us Pirate Flags! Aaarrrrgghh! It was obvious that some conquer and pillage would be taking place. We conquered our Waiter, Tim Sanders, a guy with rugburns on his knees from having sex with a six foot woman, a group of 5 strangers and a guy named Leo Starfucker Sunshine. This was done by running up to them, shouting AAAARRRRGGHHH! and poking them with the ends of our flagsticks. Yeah. Im serious. We did that for hours. In the course of the pillaging we acquired 3 wintergreen mints, a room service reciept, an expired bus transfer and a newspaper.
Lots and lots of things that were mostly unrelated happened on Saturday. Gillian and I went to a fabric store out past Safeco field, unfortunately a Mariners game was just finishing up, and it took us 45 minutes to travel less than a mile. It was beautiful outside, so it was more of a good opporotunity to sing in the car and relax for a while. After the fabric store, we went to Arby's (since its so far out, I rarely get the chance to savor the beloved Arbys sauce). In the drive in, we realized that we didnt have enough cash to quite cover the charge, so we ended up doing something neither of us has done in a few years, pay the remainder of the cost in pennies found on the floor. The sun was setting, time to go to the theatre.
The show went well, and we stayed to watch the Habit (the late night show for Pearl). Both went well. At that point I should have gone home. I was already tired and a little grumpy, but I decided to go to a party anyway. I ended up spending most of my time there sitting on the floor in a corner, and eventually, everyone else came and sat down with me. Call it elitist, but I didnt want to be with most of the people at that party, and it seemed like the people I did want to see ended up moving together and away from the others. It was one of those parties that make me feel tired, and dirty, and I ended up getting cold and grumpy and sleepy, and hiding under a big flannel shirt in a pile on the floor until someone took me home. Sometimes I still feel like nobody can see me if I cover my head with something and shut my eyes.
Sunday
I went to breakfast at Glo's with Alisha and Patrick. the wait ended up being somewhere around an hour and 45 minutes, but she was dead set on some eggs florentine. To our dismay, they ran out of hollendaise sauce, and we had to change our plans. After breakfast, Patrick and I had planned on playing music for a few hours before we went on to our seperate plans, but Glo's breakfast got the best of us. We ended up taking a nap for the better part of the afternoon, under the guise of taking a half hour nap and then playing. We ended up only playing for a half an hour, and sleeping for about 4.
After Patrick left, I headed down to Annex (again) for Pizza night. Pizza night is for company members only to perform things they are afraid to do, or things that are brand new and havent been polished yet, or things that need to be confessed. I had forgotten to prepare anything, so I ended up reading two short pieces and singing a new song. Paul Gude did a piece about flying monkeys that have taken over the earth, and a scotty dog in a sweater. You had to be there, but it was great. Lots of good new stuff.
Afterwards, we all headed over to Tim Sanders' house to watch High Fidelity. It made me a little sad in a pleasant way. I enjoy the company of the people I know.
And then I went to sleep.
Monday
Ive been having the kind of day where I curse under my breath almost constantly. That is all.
So, the bad news is that we didnt have enough audience to have a show last night, this was the first show Ive been involved in that's been canceled. It sucked.
I didnt feel up to going out with the rest of the cast and crew (and a few of the audience members). I didnt really feel like being nice. So I went home, tried to play the guitar without looking at my fingers, and ended up falling asleep watching PBS at 9:30. I got up long enough to turn the lights out and that was it for the night. It was fantastic. I am The Queen of Napping. (although, technically, that wasnt a nap, it was an early bedtime).
Everyone who has responded to the earlier post as of this time has been an Idealist. C'mon people, this is time well wasted, and I'd like to know if everyone I know is an Idealist time waster.
What the hell was I talking about with my last post? Sheesh. I must have been really bored on Tuesday.
Wednesday, however, was action packed. Remember how I was supposed to go to that seminar to learn to be a receptionist? Well, yesterday I paid my dues. It was alright, actually. All in all, it was very similar to customer service training at Amazon, lots of talking about how to deal with conflict. Remedial, really, but the company paid me for a day where I got to leave an hour early and come an hour late.
At the morning session, they had us take the Kiersey Temperament Sorter. I had taken it before (while slacking off at Amazon, actually), and found it really interesting. The like above is for the test, if you take it, email me and let me know what you are.
I turned out to be an inventor (ENTP) -again- but it was still really interesting. Supposedly, at my best I am "easy going, seldom critical", and at the worst, I am "undependable, fickle, and easily discouraged" . I wish it had said I had tenacity. I want to be tenacious today. Rawr.
More on the seminar later, I need to make it look like Ive been actively involved in something all morning now.
must....write........song....about..dinosaur!...................
ugh. death scene.
I'm a little giddy this morning, but not as giddy as I was last night. I have a super fun secret that doesnt hurt anyone, and I was involved in mischief that didnt cause any harm, and it was an all-time perfect temperature yesterday.
On a not-giddy-but-kinda-sweet note, while in the car creating mischief last night, my acomplice and I drove through 2 areas that have very specific point holds on my memory. One was the area outside of Wallingford with the brown sign that says "Hirum M. Chittenden Locks", and the other was a particular stoplight in the same neighborhood. I know it sounds funny, but I got a strong memory of the first time I had been to those neighborhoods. It was dark, and I had been allowed to drive someone elses car, and we saw every scenic point in Seattle that evening for no particular reason at all. I had been miserable in my living situation, and I remember thinking "well...maybe a better time is coming along".
At Value Village, they had dishes in the same pattern that my parents have had since they got married. I was originally in search of picture frames, curtains and clear glass coffee cups, but the nostalgia won the battle. Im now the proud owner of unbreakable white ceramic coffee mugs with little green daisies all around the rims. (and some curtains, a picture frame, and clear coffee mugs)
Mischief!
hotmail temporarily unavailable: this does not relate to all of hotmail, or your particular account, but the machine that houses your information is experiencing difficulty.......
last night, playing around with the guitars at matts house. He's playing scales, and trying to explain chords to me. I am trying to explain that I know what a chord is, and I understand how scales work, I just dont know how to play the guitar. Seems simple enough, but it makes me really, really mad when I cant do something I want to do right when I want to do it, and well. you know? Thank you, that is all.
Friday night after the show we went to Two Bells down by the Sit and Spin. Gillian and Matt and others were at the Sushi Robo-Orbiter-others show, and we were trying to get them to come to the egyptian for the late night movie with us. Im glad we didnt pull them away. It was Ghost in the Shell, which i have never seen before, nor read the comics. It was fantastic animation, but the story was one you would have to already be into to get into it. (into isnt a word, is it? like aint...)
I got home late, and slept late. Really, really late. Not all time latest late, (which was 6pm, 3 years ago), but well into the afternoon late. This isnt necessary. (not the sleeping. this portion of the post. not necessary)
I went to a party on Saturday night (with full intention to go to church the next morning). There wes a woman there in black plastic pants. I dont mind plastic pants all that much, and she had a decent body, but the ass shakin' action she continually exuded was both hypnotic and terrifying at the same time. It was a combination move of running around on her tiptoes, squealing and tossing her hair around, and shaking the ass. She was nice enough, but it was nearly fatal for me.
A Twister (tm) board was present in one of the rooms, but I think most adults have failed to realize that twister boards are made for people who are less than 4 feet tall, so reaching the dots isnt much of an effort anymore. They should really make an adult scale twister board, to allow the kind of unwholesome fun everyone seems to be looking for these days.
Easter morning, I went to gillian's momma's house for lasanga. We were having trouble remembering the words to this mormon kids song, so I called my parents.
My dad picked up the phone, and after he realized it was me, he proudly pronounced, "We're having HAM! I'm basting it!" I couldnt help but laugh. My dad gets excited over some silly things sometimes.
He woke my mom up from her nap, and she rememered the verse right away (it was "yellow for purity morning till night"). She asked if I had gone to church, and I told her I hadnt. She said that when she woke up this morning, my dad had been mopping the floor, and that when the time came to leave for church, he had said, "but Janet...Im not finished mopping!". She was upset, and I felt bad for her having to go alone, but my father has only mopped the floor one other time in my life, and that was because he had flooded the kitchen.
Yet another the genetics factory happy hour. Ive just had the first Jell-O shot of my life. I will leave at five, and the scientists will stay here and drink for the next six hours.
Science.
So after yesterday's post, I started on my 1040EZ's. No big deal, really, Ive always had simple taxes. I didnt have the book this year, though, so I called my friend Jack in Cambridge. Jack has a way with finding things I skip over, and between the two of us, I was able to complete the form. Wait, though. Why is line 10 larger than line 9?! How is that possible? HOW DO I FUCKING OWE THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT FUCKING MONEY!
but it turns out I do. one hundred and fucking nintey dollars and thirty fucking cents. Oh well, the evening wasnt over.
I went home and mourned my losses, watched the simpsons and took a nap. Got up and got dressed again, and went outside to do thursdays show. It was pouring. The kind of rain that constitutes saying "Its raining" in Seattle. Thunder and Lightening. My coat was already heavy with water by the time I reached the bus stop, and John (who is in the show) was on the bus. We get to the theatre and go inside, and in the black box (back room) there is water cascading from the ceiling like an indoor waterfall. Bill said there was a puddle on the roof the depth of a wading pool, and the rain was still coming down.
Bill grabbed a hose and we headed up to the roof. The drain on the north side of the building was wisking the water away with no trouble, but the east side of the building was becoming a little beach. Bill and I started a plan to siphon the water to the sidewalk below, when I remembered the drain I almost fell in when I was on the roof last week.
I took my shoes and socks and coat off and plopped through the muddy greasy puddle. I got to the drain in the center between the slope and the edge of the roof. It was really, really gross, and it wasnt draining. I stuck my hand in and grabbed a handful of unidentifiable muck, and then another. The water started to drop, and the leaking was over within 5 minutes. Hooray! the show can go on. and it did, and I screwed up, again. My ovaries attacked to punish me, and I went home and slept.
We did the show in record time, though. It was freezing in there.
I cant believe I owe money.
Ive been tearing carbon copies apart from each other very very slowly, all day, in order to make the task last me all day. Im wearing my 'I dont exist, please dont look at me' dress and cursing my ovaries. Curse you, ovaries.
I went home at lunch and I found my W-2 forms because I just remembered about taxes yesterday. Ive had 4 jobs in the last year.
1: Amazon
2:Crane Paper Co.
3: Parker Staffing Services
4: t*rgen
Hopefully, job number five will be Well Paid and Highly Respected Stage Manager Rockstar. Lets all keep our fingers crossed.
Somehow, before the show last night, the words "Butt Toucher" became "Bret Fetzer", and now everyone is running around, touching butts and saying "Bretfetzer!"
Its been a strange and busy day. After the hi-liter incident this morning I was feeling at one with the world, and I had a lot of work to do pretty early on, which is rare. Ive been having a hard time keeping myself occupied with tasks that I find worthwhile lately. My supervisor asks me to do things very frequently, and I very frequently do not find them worth my time. Yeah, I deserve her panic stricken fits, but at the same time, she runs on perfection and unnecessary excess of information. It drives me c-r-a-z-y. Nutso. So Ive been playing a little game with myself since monday of this week when she came back from vacation. Every time she does something to drive me up the wall, I do something really nice or giving or eerily helpful, and in my mind, I pretend that it is slowly eating away at her hair folicals, and Ill soon be watching it fall out.
Strange? Yes. Helpful in maintaining my currently out of control temper? Yes again.
so here is the previously promised "incredibly stupid mistake"
I was in the shower shaving my legs. I had finished the right and was moving to the left, so I put the handle end of the razor in my mouth to grab the soap and maintain my balance. I moved my tounge from one side to the other and -you guessed it- my mouth filled up with blood. I had put the wrong fucking end of the razor in my mouth. I jumped out of the shower and wrapped my tounge in a clean dishcloth. I sat on the floor and thought, "well shit, that was so so so stupid. maybe I need stitches? shit." so I called matt.
Sonya "Math?"
Matt :"Hey, whats wrong"
S "I did thomething weawy sthuthid"
M "What?"
S " I DID THOMETHING WEAWY STHUTHID"
M: " No, I mean, what did you do."
S "oh. Im nok thellink. Iths thoo sthuthid, I cuth my thounge"
M: "How...nevermind. How bad did you cut your tounge"
S: "Im bweedink aww Thuckink ower the plathe! Shood I caw ? "
M laughing "I think you'll be alright"
and I was, except for feeling really, really stupid.
Here it is, Wednesday morning. Im sitting in the sun through the window in the reception lobby, highlighting a form. I finish up, and sit looking out the window. My forearm starts to itch, so I scratch it with what I think is the capped end of the highlighter. It isnt working, keep scratching. It takes me about 20 seconds to realize I am coloring my forearm bright yellow while staring out the window, and there are people standing at the door watching me.
I cap the pen, let them in, and send them through, then I proceed to laugh at how stupid and comical that was.
Maybe later Ill tell you about something else on my "Incredibly stupid mistakes" list.
Last week, Tim said that last Sunday was Easter, and I nearly had a heart attack. Not that easter is a huge holiday for me, but the first thought I had was "oh shit, I missed easter service because I stayed up till 5:30am drinking vodka and peppermint tea! Im going to hell!" the second thought I had was "My parents didnt fucking call me! " the third thought was "wait, I know Passover was Saturday night, because I remember yelling 'hey AJ, happy Passover, damnit' when we were at the Hurricane at 2:30, and I didnt think those holidays are usually together....wait a minute..."
So thanks, Tim, for the scare. It was fun, and a good reminder that this coming Sunday is Easter. I'm going to dye eggs. Email me if you want to come over.
Or maybe I wont, I havent decided yet. I saw Memento last night at the Egyptian last night with my old boss and my old Matt. (he's not really my old matt, he's the only matt I know, but... wait, thats not really true, I know other matt's. Nevermind. The movie, sonya, talk about the movie)
It was really clever. Clever in a gut wrenching kind of way that made me nervous for the rest of the evening. I felt manipulated, afraid, and suspicious, so it was a great movie. Thats what every artist wants, right? To convey a feeling into the heart of the observer through actions and expressions,? These kids did it.
After the film, we saw Patrickt off on the #10 up the hill, and Matt and I went to the grocer. I havent been to the store in weeks, and the only edible substance in my fridge was a red bell pepper.
Let me tell you a little something. I get nervous for no reason on a pretty regular basis. High strung nail biting nervous. The movie hadnt helped my situation at all, so by the time we got to the store I was shaking and darting my eyes around like a creepy little ferret. After being totally petrified to go down the housewares aisle, I decided I really needed to calm down and finish this excursion, or die in the process. I didnt die, but I didnt calm down either. It wasnt till we got home and I was able to clean the livingroom that I could sit still and turn corners without shrieking. Ive been screaming like a girl an awful lot lately. Unacceptable.
Couple outside, she is crying. He keeps taking her chin in his hand, running his fingers through her hair, she cries, wont look at him, he doesnt know wheter to touch her or not. She stands and starts to walk away, he cant decide whether or not to follow, they fall out of my sight, now he is back, walking the opposite direction, alone.
She is back now, alone, and in the same spot, crying. sits talking to herself. He returns. He stands facing her, opening his mouth, not saying anything. She makes a final statement that I can almost hear through the glass, stands and walks away.
He watches her go, rubs his face in his hands, departs.
as seen through the mirrored window by the reception desk, 3:00 pm Olive and Boren, on the Olive side.
"Dont wind your heart up so tight, it ruins the elasticity"
Lots of talk about love and the lack thereof lately. Not so much here, but with everyone. Must be spring.
I never really thought spring was the right season for that. Winter, in my opinion, is the time for amorous communications and the implosion of hearts. Its that collapsing-colliding-coronary in the coldness feeling. Walking home at night because its too cold to feel anything other than cold. Waking up together and not being able to get out of bed, becuase you know the other is the only warm place in the house.
"How do you know what you want, until you get it and see if you like it?" ' into the woods.
What I want is usually never what I want once Ive got it.
Ive got the "my heart hurts for no reason, and Im just too old to cry" feeling today. Not bad, just a little. Im probably just dehydrated and tired. Didnt get to sleep until 3ish last night, and woke up early, but thanks to "the routine" Ive felt pretty darn good all day. Up to now. Havent rec'd as much email as usual, didnt find anything particularly interesting to read (but I read the stranger from cover to cover online). Wrote a lot of long winded emails though. Lots of conversational dribble. Want some conversational dribble for free? Send me a note. It'll be just like Junior high.
Speaking of junior high, when I was walking back to work from lunch, there was a group of 7th or 8th graders on some kind of field trip. I waited at the corner with them, the light changed, and as i was walking away, I heard them laughing at some kids expense. I am so glad that childhood is over.
I was going to take a nap on my lunchbreak today, but I decided I would finish my opening night trinkets instead. I typed out 14 personalized cards and envelopes in under 40 minutes, and made some top ramen at the same time, thank you very much. I felt like a master of misspelling and a rockstar at the same time, oddly.
Theres a guy outside our building -alone- with a sign that says
"Let me DJ -Let the boy DJ-".
I have no idea what is going on with that.
I brought a sheet of Amber gel home from the theatre last night (its a kind of plastic used to cover lights, not a hair product). The light fixture that was installed in the sixties glares in my eyes, and makes the room a kind of cold white. So I stood on a chair and the phonebooks and softened the light in my apartment at 1am last night. Im pleased with the effect. I love my apartment. Im worried, however, that it will affect my matching skills. Wait, I guess I dont really have matching skills. Problem solved. hmmm.
Anyway. They are drilling holes in the parking lot outside my building, and then filling them back in. It doesnt make any sense at all. Maybe they're looking for gold. I dont know. My building owner is a jackass and a nut.
I dont have quite enough to do today.
I was about ready to stick a fork in someones shoulder last night. I wasnt really upset at all, but Im tired of correcting the same mistakes (and making the same mistakes) over and over and over and over again. I did, however, manage to obtain the Mama's Mexican Kitchen Veggie Nolasco Burrito Ive been craving for the last three days. I ended up buying 4 if those monsters (they weigh as much as a small child, I swear) and bringing them back to the theatre for various people. It cut off all the circulation in my right hand, but the cheesy goodness was worth the loss of a limb.
NPR is having their please give us money drive this week. Thats all they said all morning "Our volunteers are waiting to receive your call..." It was excruciating. I listened to the aforementioned Flaming Lips album instead. I was listening to Le Tigre while at my desk today, with only one earphone on. One of the songs ended up consisting entirely of a girl singing "Messiah.....Messiah..."
Those are the highlights so far.
The Fever has caused me to make several rather poor fiscal decisions. Really cute and good fitting fiscal decisions, but poor nonetheless.
Sorry to talk about it, but I may have found the rubie slippers that will carry me to my destiny. I bought some black Mary Janes from Fluevog Shoes on the first day I was well enough to leave the house. These are fantastic shoes. Fan tas tic. You should buy some.
Ive been reading a lot of Wizard of Oz related fiction lately. The strange(stranger) part about it is that it hasnt been at all on purpose. The aunt I mentioned in yesterday's post is obsessed with The Wizard of Oz, and has an entire room filled with wizard of oz crap. They have a seperate insurance policy on that room alone. It freaks me out, especially since I doubt she's ever read the books.
I hope that when I die, I dont leave my family a room full of crap that only has worth to the mad who have too much money to spend. I'd rather leave them 500 crochet pot holders, like my grandmother. Still worthless, but somehow, more sensible.
Hmmm, do I have that flaming lips album with me? Nope, I dont. I really want to hear that song this morning.
I went to a gallery opening for a friend from Amazon last weekend. There were a lot of people there, all dressed up and mingleing. Although the atmosphere of the situation was familiar ( opening night parties feel like that), there was something about it that made me uncomfortable. I tend to zoom around between rooms and groups when I feel like that, so the tension doesnt have a chance to build. So I spent the first hour or so stopping in on familiar faces, talking to strangers, and wondering about the pink cheese on the table by the door. I was very aware of my own awkwardness. I suppose its healthy, to feel awkward once in a while.
Alisha, Jill and Lael arrived in time, and my discomfort was alleviated. By that point, I had become acquainted with- and forgotten the names of- several strangers in several groups. Including the blazenly braless girl who I thought was on E, the slightly balding man who kept asking me questions about the pieces in the show (to which I made up many false answers), and a guy in a leather jacket who looked too cool for the whole thing.
The highlight conversation of my evening was a discussion of misunderstood song lyrics.
Sting every breath you take
"And my poor heart aches" = "Im a pool hall ace"
"I been through the desert on a horse with no name"= "I been to the desert on a horse with no legs"
and many, many others I cant remember right now.
All in all, I had a really good time, and too early an evening.
Its been a big day for stretching today. The back-arching-hum-inducing-wrist-turning kind of stretching. Feels fantastic, give it a shot.
It would be beyond impossible for me to remember what's happened since the last time I posted, so Ill tell you about the last 4-6 days in no particular order, with attention to unnecessary details.
I apologize for any inconvenience...
When I get sick, I have a hard time reigning in my over-apologetic tendedcies. I end up calling people at random, and leaving long messages on answering machines that consist mostly of "Hi, this is Sonya. I dont feel...I mean....Im sorry...I cant come to....shit. Sorry. What Im trying to say is, I dont feel like I can do the......the........the.....thing. do you understand what Im trying to say? I apologize for the inconvenience this causes you and Ill be more than happy to take care of the other.....thing. Im so sorry. Sorry. Bye. "
So that pretty much sums up the delirium spent portion of my week. Trouble is that now, I cant get over the apologizing. So...yeah. Im not sorry.
feed me, seymore
In the middle of all that, there was Gillian. A shining beacon in the livingroom, bearing gifts of banana's, chicken ramen, and Ensure. These items and a loaf of thawed 67 cent bread from the freezer constituted my diet for several days.
mama said they'rd be days like this
My parents came into town with my 2 oldest nieces on Saturday, but I had rehearsal for Pearl all day, so I didnt hear from them until around 5ish. The telephone conversation with my mother went something like this:
Mom: Hi honey, we just got in. How long do you think it will take you to get out here?
Sonya: Depends. Where are you?
M: On the eastern outskirts of Auburn. Dinner starts in 20 minutes!
S: Mom, it would take me 3 busses to get out there, and I doubt I could make it in under 2 and a half hours. Can you and Poppa and the girls meet me for breakfast tomorrow?
M: Oh...goodness.....well....hmmm. Let me get your father..... (phone gets set on the counter, I can hear my aunt Ladelle talking about my cousin...who is 28. "Oh, he's just learning so much! You wouldnt belive what a good boy he is..." Phone is picked back up, its my father)
Dad: Whats the problem?
S: Nothing, pop. Can you meet me for breakfast tomorrow?
D: Yes. What time?
S: 9am.
D: Great. Love you. See you tomorrow. (mom returns)
M: Sonya? What did you father say?
S: We're having breakfast tomorrow.
M: Oh Good. Just dont take us to somewhere where it takes forever to park.
This is the point where I should have just said, "okay, mom" and hung up, but no, I had to fight her about it.
S: Mom, parking takes a while, there are a lot more people here, hence, a lot more cars. Sorry if thats a problem.
M:Well, whatever. Just dont take us to one of "those" places.
S: (Im already upset) "What" places.
M: Cant we just go to a Dennys or an IHOP?
S: Mom, thats disgusting. No. The girls have never been to a metropolitan area before. Im not taking you to IHOP.
We sit in silence. (I can hear my aunt in the background. "Look at this pretty website he made for their anniversary!")
M: Well, just dont take us to one of those places.
S: F I N E. I'll see you tomorrow.
We went to the Jitterbug(that link has nothing to do with the restaurant, but I thought it was interesting) in Wallingford, which is very similar to all of the restaurants Ive taken my parents. My niece said it was the best breakfast she had ever had, and my father agreed that it was among his top 5.
On the way back, the car broke down in the middle of the intersection on Mercer by the EMP. My father, myself, and 3 random guys pushed it into a parking lot. I walked to rehearsal, and I didnt see my parents again. Things were pleasant by that point, so it was alright. I like pushing cars, and my dad pops my back in a way that only my dad can. He's just the right hight and fat-ness.
I think this is all the posting I have in me for today.