this imploding heart

you got lucky, babe

He: "And you know what's funny? I didn't tell anybody but one person, and you know who it was?"

Me: "Who?"

"The Man. He called right after I asked you to come over, and he happened to ask how you were."

"Mine's way better. I only told one person, too. On the way over here this guy stopped me on the sidewalk. He was Indian, super thick accent, so you've gotta imagine the accent in this interaction, it makes it even more absurd.

I cross the street by the grocery against the light, and the guy has a weird little leather writing tablet like cops carry. 'Excuse me', he says, 'but what is a woman like you doing walking around looking like a hollywood movie star without a smile on her face!?' Then he handed me a sticker that read "I (heart) your smile." and told me he was from the happiness patrol and he was going to have to fine me if I didn't put on my pretty smile. I put my hand on his arm, and I've barely kept it together this whole time. I put my hand on his arm and say, 'I'm walking over to my boyfriends house so we can break up.' And on the last part, I just start wailing, all the homeless kids are looking at me and this guy is chasing me down the block with that fucking sticker."

"Ha! That is a lot better than my story."

kid, I've lived through others

Resounding comment from those who witnessed it: "Hey! You lived!"

Today I ate some biscuits and gravy and I can stand up for quite a stretch at a time. It wasn't so much that I was still tired, but the muscles that get involved in heaving are also the muscles that stand you up, and those particular muscles were a bit overworked.

In other news, I just want to be sure that everyone is ready for WWIII. Got your gas masks? Good. Know how to put them on before you take another breath? Practice makes perfect. (PBS gets me CRAZY!)

you sound like you're sick

I'm back from the outer edges of the universe and getting my sea legs under me again.

I've been really sick. High temperature, keep nothing in the body style sick.

I missed a lot of work and I'm going to be poor for weeks, but I'm extra extra happy to be alive and capable of eating a half a cup of applesauce.

you were only waiting for this moment to arrive

With mom and dad's station wagon and our first day off in common in months, Cake and I set out for the Samammish River yesterday.

Everything got completely soaked...from above.

It was beautiful for 3 days straight before, and it's beautiful today, but yesterday just wasn't having it. It was obviously going to be a wet day when we started, but we had firmly said "Rain Or Shine", so we went down to the market, picked up a paycheck, bought some fruit and bread, visited the balloon hat clown and took off.

And it was great.

The previous days of sunshine made the sand and rocks warm to the touch, so we were soaked, but never cold. The rain drove off all the locals, so we stripped down to our birthday suits and ran around on the rocks like clumsy naked mountain goats. We got in the (recently glacial) water to wash off the sand. We made lakes in little streams and villages out of the layers of clay in the riverbank. We ate fruit and bagels and watched birds. We played "Guess What Song I'm Thinking Of" (Blackbird, Thats the Sound of the Men Working On the Chain Gang). We watched fish jump and we threw rocks. And after five hours, when everything we had was so waterlogged that it was difficult to get it up the trail, we drove home.

On the drive back, Cake snapped his attention from his job as Best Song On The Radio Finder to me.

"That was some date we just went on."

never thought you'd be a junkie

2 nights ago it was the guy who took up a table "waiting for his friend" from the beginning of my shift until close, reading books off the wall, writing on a napkin, then a piece of paper he borrowed from on of my regulars, not buying anything while customer after customer looked for a table.

After we closed, he went next door to the Summit and did the same thing.

Last night, the bartender from next door came in to get some espresso. He walked out to go back to the bar, looked at one of the guys at the outside table and came back in.

"Hey Sonya, I think that guy might be unconscious, and he has blood on him."

"Super. Thanks man."

Sure enough, he's drooling a little and there's blood on his hand, but he's not obviously bleeding anywhere. I bent down and tapped him on the hand.

"Sir?"

No response.

"Sir! Can you hear me? Sir, I need you to wake up and talk to me, can you hear me? Are you okay?"

By this time I was shaking him pretty roughly and thinking to myself shit. shit shit shit. Why does some junkie have to OD on my shift. Why can't he OD on someone else's patio?

"SIR! IF YOU DON'T RESPOND, I'M GOING TO CALL AN AMBULANCE. CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

But finally -(praise be)- he drew a deep breath and lifted his head.

"Hmm? Hmm?"

"Sir, are you okay? Do you need a doctor?"

"No nonono. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeahyeahyeah. Finefinefine."

"Okay, but you can't sleep here, okay? I keep a strict No Sleeping policy."

So I go back in and start cleaning up the front so I can keep an eye out. Sure enough, five minutes later, his head is down in his lap and he's in full drool mode.

"SIR." I don't even mess with the light tap, I go for the shoulder and bend down to eye level. "SIR. YOU'VE GOT TO WAKE UP."

"Wha?"

"Are you sure you're okay? This isn't so normal, you know."

"Yeahyeah. Fine."

"Okay, but you gotta understand that this is not a place for sleeping. Sleep is for at home or at the library or on a nice sunny lawn. If you fall asleep again I'll have to ask you to go somewhere else, okay?"

"Yes ma'am"

"You need some water or something?"

"No thank you, ma'am"

And this time he keeps it together for a solid 45 minutes. I wash dishes and mop and restock before I notice that he's out again.

"Sir? Sir, come on now."

He starts awake and smiles at me.

"Come on, we had a deal okay?"

"Okayokayokay. I'm getting up."

"I'm sorry, but we did have a deal, you and I."

I go back in the shop as he gathers his medley of items. I help a few customers before he comes inside.

"Hey there. Can I get something for you?"

"I need. I think some water. I think some."

"No problem, there's a cooler and some cups right over there."

I watch as he searches in every place but the obviouss and regular for cups. Under the chairs, inside cabinets. Finally I go over and hand one to him. He tries to push on the handle of the cooler to make the water come out, then he starts to take the lid off like he's going to scoop it. I gently guide the cup to the spout and press the button for him.

"There we go. All set."

He's mumbling to himself, then he starts mumbling louder to me.

"I'm sorry? I couldn't hear you."

"I SAID. You been real decent to me. We might have had real trouble you kicking me out but you've been real decent like a human being so I don't have to fuck you up."

"That's great. Thanks. Goodnight!

"Goodnight!"

round and round I go, just one of those things

Anyway. This is what's been keeping me so busy lately.

Additionally, souxie and I just signed the lease on a new apartment with a view of downtown, the waterfront, the needle, and Queen Anne. We're probably paying more for the view than the actual apartment, but I think it might be worth it. Plus! no more apartment shopping!

A short story about explosions, Jennifers, and Steak.

My dad took Cake and I to an Outback Meathut last night.

First things first. The girl who opened the door for us (who looked like Jennifer ala Office Space) sat us in a booth and asked "Have you ever been to Outback before?"

and when we said no, she nearly burst out of her skin. "REALLY! NEVER BEFORE!?"

"Um, nope."

"I can't believe it. blah blah blah bloomin onion."

So when our server came around, I started noticing that EVERYBODY who worked there looked like Jennifer A.

"Hi my name is Becky and I'll be your server tonight have you guys ever been to outback before?" That's how she said it, no punctuation till the very end.

"nope."

and wouldn't you know it, she also fucking exploded.

"REALLY!? NEVER BEFORE!?"

I started laughing.

"What's funny?"

"Do they make everyone here ask that? Some other girl just asked the same thing and reacted in exactly the same way. Same...everything."

"Well...." she hesitated while she thought of a Company Approved response. "We, uh...we, um. We like to get to know our customers."

"It's fine, man. No big deal."

So Jennifer took our order and another Jennifer brought us our food. Another Jennifer packed it up and another Jennifer tried to make us buy deserts. We each ate maybe a fourth of the food placed in front of us. Jennifer was disappointed in our performance.

Cake and I had steak and ribs for a midnight snack, and now my sweat smells like cows.

The end!

Clip SheBang

Well, we're on the move again.

The Derby is dissembling at the end of this month, so Souxie and I are apartment hunting. I hate apartment hunting.

Dear Apartment Managers,

Why the hell not just put the number of bedrooms and the price right on the fucking sign? If it's a 1 bedroom, I don't want you to call me back. I don't want to leave a message and wait for three days for you to call me back. I've forgotten what your building looks like by then. Additionally, if it's a 2 bed for 2 grand, don't fuck around and leave the price off the sign. I've got roundabout 500 bucks for you, and that's it.

Thanks,

Sonya

I'm going to look at one of 2 promising places today after I take my mom to the airport. I hope we can find something exactly right without too much more looking, because I don't think I can bear it.