Cake, a few weeks ago: ...and I want to assure you, this is a compliment. One of the things I love most about you is that sometimes I catch you staring off into space, and the expression on your face makes you look like the most beautiful 3 year old down's syndrome child. It's like you have no consciousness of yourself or anything at all, you're just totally fucking happy to exist.
My friend from way back sent me an email the other day describing his feeling of importance in the ultimate cosmos, and it really rang a bell with me. The universe is very big, and compared with the Bowling Ball Sun, our earth is a peppercorn. A peppercorn I've barely seen a molecule of. Yet I exist! I perceive! I am acknowledged in the perception of everything around me, and so I am as large as the largest sun, and as small as the smallest neutrino. Or, more importantly, just as significant as both.
Does everyone have an existential quarter-century crisis? So far, the polls say "yep."
I've said it before, I'll say it again... If I could stand to cross multiply or count things, I'd become a scientist.
The quarter is over, and I am itching to go from physics to astronomy. I'm taking 15 credits again next quarter, so it'll be good ole invisible-sonya for the next few months. If I can finish these classes now and 10 credits in the summer session, I'll be a community college graduate.
It's been a year since I quit the reception desk job. I was just thinking about how ass-backward it is that I quit a job that paid twice what I'm getting now so that I can go to school more--when going to school more costs twice as much. But you know what? Even though my new job is more tired making for the body, sometimes more stressful for the mind, and way way more financially...uh...adventurous, I never feel like my life is wasting away while I'm there.
"but Sonya!" you say "No upward mobility!"
and I reply "Yes, but all the physical mobility I can stand."
Dear Saint Patrick,
If that was you working your magic when I finished my test early and ran out of the school just as the tow truck man was getting to load up my scooter and make my life a living hell, thanks. That was a $300 I really didn't have. I didn't wear any green, as I forgot about you until right before the tow truck thing, but I've been talking you up ever since.
best regards,
sjet
The more molecular the world becomes, the more every branch is practically bursting with activity. Every shift of wind is groundbreaking. Every break in the ground a result of heat and matter and man oh man are we going fast. SO FAST that we don't really notice, Just Keep That Light Coming Please. A trick in the brain, we perceive. Perception!
I can see you, but not until a little after you're there.
I had my first 'teeth falling out' style dream the other night. Interpreters take these dreams to mean worries about appearance, money, or losing control.
I couldn't figure out which it would be, as I've got a little insecurity in all of these catagories lately. But later, I realized that the molars that fell out were all gold. Money it is then.
But I don't really have anything to worry about. So long as I keep going to work and sitting on my hands in-between shifts, we'll be back to normal in no time. Souxie is always quick to remind me that most US of A'ns are way way in debt, so I should consider myself thousands of dollars ahead when I'm broke.
That usually does the trick.
I just spent my bottom dollar on plane tickets to SF later this month. It makes me really nervous, but I'm happy that I decided to do it.
In general, I save like a little squirrell in all respects. I pocket things away in unusual places so that I'll only remember them when all the rest are gone. Packages of pencils, new pairs of underwear, prescription painkillers, tampons, twenty dollar bills, government issue identification, house keys, water filters, scantron cards, cigarette lighters, what have you. I break off a portion of the whole and hide it away, so that when the pack is gone, I'll buy a new pack and forget the secreted bit until new pack buying is somehow impossible.
I wipe my checking account out all the time, but I almost never deplete my savings account below one months rent. I moved out of my parents house with a month's rent extra in my savings account, it keeps a certain sense of panic out of my life.
But it just so happens that tuition wiped out my savings account this quarter, so in order to pay the rent and buy plane tickets at the same time, I have to tuck my bushy tail between my legs and pull the nuts out of my cheeks. heh.
So anyway. In order to remain true to my rodent roots, I'm squirrelling away anticipation. Spring is coming. When I see Tiny, I'm going to break off a chunk of her and hide it away for later.
hold some nuts between your toes
wrinkle up your little nose
squirrell, squirrell, shake your bushy tail.