this imploding heart

lost your voice singing along to raspberry beret

Gasp! I got a last minute invite to the Black Tie gala for The Great Gatsby at the Rep tonight. Which filled me with giddy, clap-my-hands-and-shriek happiness and heart-in-my-stomach dread at the same time.

I don't have any dress shoes that aren't either too casual or too shiny-plastic-six-inches-high-cheap and only good for *one* thing. I had to work at the bar until 2 last night, and bullshit with my boys until at least 3:30. The gala starts at 7 tonight and I don't get off from the coffee shop until 6.

So you'd better believe that I was waiting outside The Rack when they opened at 9:30 this morning. My scooter almost ran out of gas and I still smelled of Jagermeister, but now I have a lovely pair of dress shoes featuring a modest heel and coverage for my monster toes. And now it's all hand-clapping. I can't wait!

out upon the morning rain

I suppose the reason I'm compelled to wake up with the sun is that I'm similarly compelled to fall asleep as soon as it goes down. You know...at 5:15pm.

So today I woke up and changed the bedsheets before 8:30, and cast my vote via electronic ballot before 9:30. Windpower yes! Stick it to the sports stadiums yes! Restrict the strippers no!

King County residents can get their polling place info here.

by a thread

So...do you think they'll ever sentence a U.S. president to hang for crimes against humanity?

Leaf Me Alone! Don't Needle Me!

Sixty Seconds Max at Annex Theatre's spin the bottle was Friday night. I barely made it in, but I'm so glad I did. Music! Poetry! Spanking Machines!

free, then i felt lonely, then I felt scared.

In not feeding you, I find I barely know how or when to feed myself now. A friend invites me out for a hamburger and I discover that I'm famished because I've been waiting to eat without even realizing it. Letting things go bad in the fridge because I was saving them for our dinner.

I hope you're eating. but I don't dwell on that for too long. Know what I think about instead? I think about all the things that will become fun to do alone again. Going to shows alone will be more fun because the other option is staying home alone. Going to my parents alone will be more fun because the other option is being with nobody I love. Tele with the roomates, taking too long at the shop, reading.

This isn't coming out exactly right.

I don't mean that anything is better than being alone. I mean that the strange longing that comes with being *together* but apart-from-each-other will fade. The you-shaped hole in my chest that appeared when you stepped out for a newspaper and disappeared when you returned (hollering about the headlines) will heal over. It's the most sad and wonderful benefit.