I'm realizing more and more lately that there are words I don't like. And I don't knwo why I don't like them. I like lots of words that other people don't like. But I'm stuck on a couple of words right now. Examples!
Words I Like but a lot of folks don't:
Penis
Vagina
Cunt
Fuck
Jesus Christ
Cock Smoker
Cock Knocker
Bosoms (better if pronounced BOOOOzoms)
Crap
Words I Hate For no Reason that I can tell:
Condom
Boyfriend
Shit
Drama
So the condom thing has gotten to apoint where I just call them "things".
"I need to go buy some things."
"We would've but I didn't have a thing, and neither did he."
"Honey, where did you put the things"
It's ridiculous. I feel like a fifteen year old. And all the alternatives just sound stoopid. Prophylactic, Rubber, Raincoat, Wrapper, Jimmy, Johnny, Shower Cap, Love Glove, French Letter (thnks to J for that one, it's the classiest by far. Still can't say it though).
Which makes me say one of my favorite words. Aw Crap.
Posted by jlp716 at October 20, 2004 04:33 PMWhyncha jes' call 'em by their proprietary (brand) names? i.e.: "Honey, where did you put the 'Trojan Magnums Superlubricated Spermocidals'?"
Posted by: KING COMTE I at October 21, 2004 11:00 AMJust make up a euphemism. Drug-users do it all the time, in order to keep it on the down-low when discussing illegal transactions on the phone. It works like this:
"Dude, could you bring over the sandwiches?"
"How many do you want?"
"Oh, I'd say about eight. Eight sandwiches. Got it?"
"Roger Wilco. Eight sandwiches on the way."
Later...
Knock! Knock!
"Dude! Come on in! You got the stuff? Let's have a look.... What the? Sandwiches?!! You idiot!"
Yes, when I was in grad school up in B-Ham, the popular euphemism was "lawn clippings".
"Dude, did you mow your lawn last weekend?"
"Yeah, I got a HUGE bag of lawn clippings! Do you need to do some 'mulching'?"
Posted by: KING COMTE I at October 21, 2004 01:54 PMSee, what you have to do is, you have to start with something that has enough words to be turned into an acronym. Thus:
Latex wrap for your giant purple-veined cock of doom.
Then you string the letters:
LWfYGPVCoD.
Add vowels where necessary:
Lawf YoG Pu Ve CoD
Pick some sounds that look good together:
Pu Ve CoD
An voila!
Your new word for rubbers is:
Puvecod. Pronounced "poo-veh-cod".
May someday be shortened to "vee cod" or "VC". Later incarnations will include "Victor Charlie", "Charlie", and "little slant-eyed bastards".
Posted by: Joshua at October 21, 2004 03:47 PMYay! I think that's awesome. I'm definitely calling the VC from now on.
But I have to admit that it took me a few minutes to figure out why "lawn clippings" would be an appropriate euphemism for a condom. Then my brain turned back on. However calling them LC, in homage to my lack of ability to follow obvious correlations, is also possible.
Posted by: JtotheP at October 21, 2004 05:21 PMJosh, that was damn funny.
Posted by: sonya at October 22, 2004 08:16 AMVC and LC are handy when dealing with folks who use the word "thing" as a shortcut for when their brains can't think of actual words. The confusion resulting from, "I think I left the. . .ah. . .thing stuck in the doorknob," could therefore be avoided.
Posted by: sgnp at October 22, 2004 10:45 AMI had a conversation recently with my sister about "pregnancy brain" -- pregnant women often find their memories completely shot to shit, and tend to replace a lot of nouns with "thing." It occurs to me that "I think I left the. . .ah. . .thing stuck in the doorknob" could be both cause and effect of "pregnancy brain."
Posted by: molly at October 22, 2004 11:09 AM