For anyone who reads SGNPs Jrnl comments carefully, I am NOT giving up acting. I'm not in a play that is running DURING my due date and I had to give up that part, but I haven't been convinced to let all that go or anything retarded like that. For some reason the comment that I had and that was a good thing made me so mad it actually kept me up for a while last night. When I asked Paul why he hadn't set this person staight about that he said "I don't know. I didn't say it, she did."
Which made me madder. Cause I can't post on his Jrnl myself cause I don't belong to Live Journal. But I CAN post on my blog and be all huffy about it if I want. And I want.
It's true in a way that dudes have a hard time plugging into the whole pregnancy thing. The thing that makes me crazy is the idea that they don't know how. I've actually told Paul EXACTLY what I've wanted him to do and he has done some things and really hasn't done others. BIG others, like learning to drive so he can get me things and run errands when I honestly am too uncomfortable to move. In fact when I found out I was pregnant I told him he had to get his license as soon as possible.
Still waiting.
But he HAS learned to cook some things. He does the trash and recycling thing. He calls me all the time to make sure I'm okay. He goes to the doctor with me as often as he can. He has been doing the dishes and straightening up. He is my love and my sweetest darling and he completely drives me crazy.
Early on, when we were talking about the birth I told him I needed him to be my advocate and make sure that the doctor and nurses didn't do anything to me I didn't want. At our third childbirth class, he said he finally understood what I meant. When pressed, he told me he thought I was placating him. Giving him a meaningless job to do while the nurses and doctors did whatever they wanted to me. He promises he really gets it now.
I hope the baby is more like the cleaning and cooking thing than the driving thing.
Posted by jlp716 at January 13, 2006 07:23 PMBasically, the "giving up acting" statement came after this person posted that she didn't want her baby to stop her fiance from "pursing his dreams" by calling off a tour his band has scheduled for her 7th and 8th month of pregnancy. I responded with:
"My wife and I both act, and we knew that we were going to have to stop during the pregnancy. We actually got one more show in (with her playing a little fat man) but with both of us taking care of a newborn things are going to be incredibly busy without any other stuff going on."
Later I posted:
"The difference between our two situations is that in my case my wife is the one who performs all of the time. I take on a role or two, but she defines herself as an actress. So, I think she's giving up more dreams than I am."
She missed the earlier part about the "during the pregnancy" acting-stoping, and wrote, "Hopefully your wife wont regret her decision to let go of acting."
To which I responded:
"I know she'll act again. I'm going to work extra hard to make sure she'll feel comfortable leaving me alone with the baby."
But, to make things even more clear, I've added:
"She was scheduled to have a lead role in a musical that she had to quit because she decided to have a baby. If you don't know us, there's know way you could have known that."
I've also invited you to livejournal so you can comment.
Posted by: sgnp at January 13, 2006 07:38 PMyou don't have to be on LJ if you want to sign up for open id (you need a domain to do it)
Posted by: ardentdelerium at January 14, 2006 11:36 AMHello dear! It feels very extremely weird that we have never met, and I hope you won't think (or at least admit out loud) that I am very extremely weird for jumping in here in such intrusive and know-it-all fashion.
I SO know how frustrating the spouse's lj thing is, even when entries are well-intentioned. I also SO know how important the driving thing is. I got too big to drive after a while. Both times. Yah, good luck there.
And the birthing advocate thing. When the time comes you will be wholly involved in the birthing process and the parts of your brain that normally make nice clear speech will be otherwise occupied. This is not the time for multi-tasking; it is the time for delegation. And this is why the father-reading-the-books things is so damned important.
Have you read or come across 'Ina May's Guide to Childbirth' by Ina May Gaskin? I can't recommend it enough. Not just for the incredible body/birth information, but also I remember feeling cared for and supported just reading the book. 'Birthing From Within' by Pam England was also helpful.
Posted by: Lara O'Connor at January 19, 2006 07:15 AMI found this old book at Powell's in Portland that had one of those titles like "Things your Mother Never Told You." or something like that. It's down on the bookshelf, and it was really helpful, as was having some new parents at my housewarming party which I will write about more soon.
Posted by: JtotheP at January 24, 2006 12:12 AM