I had one of the most horrfying experiences of my life yesterday. I actually felt somewhat traumatized after it.
I went out with Betty to pick up SGNP from work as a surprise. I had no gas in the car and knew we would make it to the gas station but not much further. When we got there all the outside debit card things were broken. This is the Arco where they only take debit or cash. I then had to go into the gas station to pay which would have been bad to begin with. Leaving Betty in her car seat in the car for a moment seemed reasonable. You can see all the cars from the inside and I thought it would be better just to leave her for that few moments than to take her out and blah blah blah. This is where I'm an Idiot and why all those parenting books tell you never to leave the baby by themselves. You think it'll take a second and that you know everything will be fine for a second and statistically speaking babies left in cars for a second generally don't die or anything. But then there I was getting out of the car and going inside. I knew as soon as I stepped but three paces from the car I had made the Wrong Choice.
Enter Crazy Begging Lady. She walks up to me and stares past me into the car. Now I'm on a mission in my own mind to get in and get out of the gas station and I also have this weird desperate feeling that I can only ascribe to fatigue. Otherwise, I have to imagine I would have been more sensible and just popped Betty's seat out and took her inside. CBL asks me how old my baby is and I tell her. She asks me something about wanting money that I'm not hearing because I'm On A Mission and as I'm walking into the gas station I hear her say "My baby died." Holy crap. Do I turn back around and go back to the car? Do I take Betty inside with me? Do I just get back in the car and wait until CBL is gone? Do I even just tell CBL to get away from me and the car?
No.
I go into the gas station and stare at CBL who is at the back window of my car looking at Betty and ask for ten bucks on Pump 2. Which seems to take FOREVER for the guy to put through the card machine. As I'm waiting and staring and shifting from foot to foot ready to run outside if CBL does anything crazier than she's been doing some dude comes in and announces loudly "Wow, whoever left the baby in the car is sure brave. Did you see that crazy lady out there?" So now I feel positively sick, and stupid, and just awful and hmmm awful. Seconds later I'm sure though it felt like a half an hour I get my receipt and run out to my car. CBL is still staring at the baby and starts talking to me as I pump the gas.
CBL: How old is she?
Bad Parent: about 7 weeks. Almost two months.
CBL: She's beautiful.
BP: Thank you. She sure is.
CBL: She's crying. Did you know that?
BP: Yep.
(The guy who made his announcement inside is filling up his truck now opposite me. We lock eyes and I am just staring at him like "Oh God Help Me Please")
CBL: Why do babies do that?
BP: Why do babies cry?
CBL: No. She's looking at me like she knows me. Why do babies always look at me like they know me?
BP: (on the inside) Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!
BP: (on the outside) Uuuuh.
CBL: I have three kids. They don't talk to me. Are you married?
BP: Yep.
CBL: You're so lucky.
BP: Yes I am.
CBL: My kids don't talk to me.
BP: Huh.
I run around the car and jump in. The guy who was filling up the truck comes over to my window and starts talking animatedly. I roll down the window.
Truck Guy: Are you okay?
BP: Yeah I... I wouldn't have left her. I needed to get gas.
TG: Yeah. That lady. I thought she looked you know crazy and I saw her looking at the baby.
BP: I wouldn't normally leave her. I thought it would take a second.
TG: I've seen her around. She seems... in pretty bad shape and she was looking at your car... As long as you're ok.
BP (as I'm rolling up the window and pulling out): I'm OK. Thank you so much.
It took me a while to figure out what had happened. I had the whole thing in my mind. How exactly it would go. I would go to the gas station and put my card in the debit machine and pump the gas and go. When I got there and the machines were broken, my mind like slipped a gear. I couldn't figure out what to do, even with CBL standing right there. I still Had To Get Gas and I was only changing the Plan to suit the minutiae of payment instead of the HUGENESS of protecting the baby.
Lesson Learned.
Posted by jlp716 at April 8, 2006 12:54 AMOh, you poor thing! Oh, man. I can really see how that could happen. In the moment, a bad decision can start to crystallize and then you get all frozen in face of the crystallization. This has happened to me a million times. I'm like, "But I've BEGUN this weird choice. Now I'm bound to see it through."
Your mama is right. And the lesson is learned! And Betty is fine! Phew. My sympathy!
Posted by: Tina at April 8, 2006 02:54 AMMy dad used to tell this story about this thing that happened when I was almost two years old where he had me for the day and he needed a place to shoot up so he walked up to a movie theater and bought a ticket without really looking at the marquee. Then he went in, sat down, sat me down next to him, and proceeded to nod. Only his nod was fucked up a few minutes in when he noticed me saying, "Fuck me! Fuck me!" at which time he bothered to look around and realize what was going on-- namely that he'd taken us into porn theater and that there was a three-way up on screen and the woman was screaming, "Fuck me! Fuck me!" and I was repeating what I was hearing because I thought it was funny.
At which point he felt very guilty indeed, grabbed me, and hauled ass out of the movie theater.
He told me various versions of that story for many years but he edited out the part about why he was in the theater until shortly before he died. This made sense to me until I really thought about it and realized that A) it was unlikely that anyone in the theater was going to grab me with him sitting right there B) pornography-- whatever and C) he used to shoot up in the house all the time. At least if he'd overdosed in the theater someone might have noticed what was going on and called an ambulance.
All of which is to say that, unless you left the keys in the car or something, I'm not really clear on what sort of danger Betty was actually in. What was the crazy lady going to do? Smash out the window, grab the baby and make a run for it? If she was in that kind of space I reckon she'd have gone for Betty whether you were there or not.
Not to minimize or anything. I'm just maybe not getting what the actual threat was.
The threat in this case was scary crazy-lady magic.
The kind that kills babies.
Posted by: sgnp at April 8, 2006 11:37 AMYou know I thought about it and it's true that it is unlikely that if a person really has it up their craw to do something, there's nothing much you can do about it. However, I find it unlikely if some crazy dude were standing outside your window staring in at Trisha that you would proceed to walk away and do something else for a while instead of attending to the situation. She may or may not be in any danger, but it sure feels bad especially if the dude says stuff like. "She's so beautiful. You're so lucky." Wihtout looking away from her. Just staring... "My last girlfriend died."
Ugh.
The metaphor isn't perfect, but it's a good emotional parallel.
I didn't say I didn't understand why you were freaked out. I get that. I guess my point is that I'm not sure why you made a MISTAKE. A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself, if you see what I mean.
Or, less cryptically, if the crazy woman posed no threat than the only mistake you made was not to get freaked out by a situation that didn't actually warrant it.
But, you know, I have no children of my own and very few friends, so what do I know?
Posted by: Joshua at April 10, 2006 05:48 PMI'd make the distinction that the crazy lady, rather than posing no threat, posed a possible wee tiny lottery-winning-lightning striking size threat, and that the tiny difference is enough to make the mama bear cover her bases. It was, to be sure, wicked unlikely that the crazy lady would smash the glass. But if lightning struck and she'd done it, then the mistake would have been in not planning for lightning. I know that it's a niggly-wiggly distinction, but I get where La P is coming from.
And I hope that Miss To The P knows that there's not an ounce of criticism meant for her in that. I would very likely have done the same thing, and then felt the same regret.
Posted by: Tina at April 10, 2006 11:53 PMJoshua, you are a darling. You in fact may be my secret boyfriend.
Right and true if naught happens then naught is to be regretted.
Ms. Monkey I often have wished that there was a dude (or lady but in my imagination it's a dude) who when I'm about to do something dumb would just leap out and sing "Miiistaaaaaaaake!"
Posted by: JtotheP at April 11, 2006 03:08 AM