So I'm in Georgia. Visiting my mom and everyone else in the frickin' world. Meaning that my grandmother is here. My sister and her husband and daughter and stepson are here. My dad and stepmom were here. My brother is here. My sister is coming with her boyfriend.
So how's the baby handling it? you ask. As if you didn't know.
Fucking. Hell.
Actually I'm being melodramatic because tonight she saved most of her fussing up for the right before bed and then there was a MELTDOWN. Like a serious China Syndrome MELTDOWN that occurred. There was acute radiation poisoning. People died. It was pretty awful.
It's the tears that kill me really. I know in my mind you know that nothing is happening to her. Nothing ACTUALLY bad you know. She's not in pain or sick or in danger. She's just mad. Like really really really reallyreallyreally mad. But just mad. And then I see those big giant tears rolling down her cheeks (yeah, lucky me I got one that actually produces tears)and I want to just rush out into the middle of the street and offer the next person who drives by my daughter. "Please take her. Take her. Because I'm pretty sure anyone would be a better parent than I am. I mean LOOK AT HER! TEARS!"
It's a feeling. You know. It passes. Whhheeeewwww.
My mom and I were alone in the kitchen and she said this:
"I wanted to let you know what a good mother you are. It's been really neat to see you transform like this. It's really amazing."
"Thanks. Well I love her. I love being her mom."
"I know you can tell."
Aaaawwww.
I have to admit, I really envy you on this point, because you're sharing something with your parents that I'll never experience: the transformation from being a child of your parents to being a parent of your child. I can only imagine it takes your own relationship with your parents to a completely new level, and not just the "now you know how we felt" one.
I don't necessarily regret not having kids, but sometimes I do regret not having the experiences that being a parent impart into ones life.
It probably may not seem like it at times, but really you're incredibly lucky.
Posted by: COMTE at June 15, 2006 12:24 PMI get that tear-response when Appalachia cries. It's like, "Hey, would it help at all if I ran out and jumped in front of a bus? Because I'd do that if it'd make you stop crying."
But of course, after 5 years of living with her I finally figured out that saying this out loud doesn't help.
Posted by: Joshua at June 16, 2006 07:04 AM