This is what happens when I get bored. When I'm too sick or tired or exhausted to do anything except sit around my house and nap. Bascially the first three and a half months of my pregnancy. The dishes sit in the sink, the bathroom is, well, neglected, the rug needs vacuuming, everything needs a dusting or a wipe down with a sponge. And I am just sitting in front of the television on our LoveSac.
Here is the sum total of what I have accomplished since June:
Books read: Neuromancer, Bitten, The Woman Who Had a Worm in Her Head, Shadow Syndromes, The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Survivor, Stiff, Mu(t)ants, Good in Bed, Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn
Books in Progress: The People's History of the United States, Driven to Distraction, The Diamond Age
Video games completed: Xenosaga (after losing 12 hours of gameplay to fix the progression of a couple of my characters, turning about 35 hours into almost 50 hours of gameplay)
Video games worked on: Metal Gear Solid 3, World of Warcraft online, City of Heroes, Viewtiful Joe, Bard's Tale, Dark Cloud, Demon Stone, Xenosaga II, We Love Katamari, Destroy All Humans, Tsugunai: Atonement, Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Writing: Not a god damn word.
I haven't slept normally for five months.
I have periods of time in my life, usually two or three years, where I go missing. Things are happening and I'm trying to make decisions that will get me closer to some goal or other and then over a period of a few months I find myself in a thick fog. Or a swamp. Or something unimaginative like that. Actually, there is a phrase from a story "The air was like halvah." If you've ever had halvah you know how unpleasant that sounds. While halvah is lovely to eat, breathing it must be like breathing sand. Or the discharge from a particle fire extinguisher, which I have breathed. If you ask I'll tell you about it sometime.
I feel like I can stay on track for about a year and a half at a time, and then everything starts stumbling toward entropy where I can't tell my ass from my hand and words don't mean what they used to and I drink too much and play too many video games.
The upshot of this is, I guess, I feel clear right now. I know what I want to do. The air is made of air. And I understand what you're saying even if I get a little lost in the middle, because I'm pregnant and I've got pregnancy brain.
So yes, the upshot is I'm really here. For now. And I'm afraid that I'm going to fade away again in two years, and that I'll wake up two or three years later going "So, what was it I was doing again? Oh yeah!"
I guess I should just be grateful that I wake up at all.